HAY MAKER
Rancher
Joined: 13 Feb 2005
Posts: 8307
Location: Texas
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 Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 8:51 pm Post subject: Ole & Lena |
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Ole & Lena SCANDAHOOVIAN HUMOR
Ole and Lena were out walking and Lena clutched her heart and fell to the sidewalk. Ole got out his cell phone and called 9-1-1. The Operator said "Where are you?"
Ole said, "We were walking and Lena is on the sidewalk on Eucalyptus Street."
The operator said, "How do you spell that?" and the phone seemed to go dead. The operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting.
Then he came back on and said, "I dragged her over to Oak St, that's O-A-K."
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Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.
The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.
Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, "Any idea where we are?"
"Yaaah I tink we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
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Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"
"Yust a minute", said the busy clerk.
"Vell", said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus."
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The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support."
"Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."
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Lars the bartender asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," said Ole.
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
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Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
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Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working."
Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No..."
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Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.
Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to."
So Ole drove to Duluth.
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Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries.
The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died.'?
Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole.
If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put, Ole died. Boat for sale."
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"Hey, Sven," said Ole. "How many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?"
After Sven replied, "I don't know," Ole said, "Only two, if you run them through real slow."
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Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly.
"No," replied Lars.
"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed."I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
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Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come?" asked Lars.
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
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Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?"
Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian and my name isn't Valter."
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And dot's enough!!
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