how much help should parents give to thier child?

[nonothing]

magine that you’re 7 years old and you’ve just been asked by your teacher to make a diorama of a Native American village.

Over the weekend you dig up an empty shoe box in the garage. You ask your parents for ideas on how to make teepees and rocks and trees. You “borrow” your brother’s toy forest animals. By Sunday evening, you’ve assembled, glued and painted a humble and adorable replica of a Native American village.

The next morning you enter your classroom with your handiwork, only to be confronted by a three-foot-by-four-foot rendition of the meeting of the Sioux nation at Little Bighorn, complete with a working waterfall and 50 intricate tiny teepees. Instantly, you know that this is the work of Jennifer. Or rather Jennifer’s mother, with Jennifer working as the assistant.

Your heart sinks as you ditch your diorama under your desk. You join an ever growing group of awestruck children gathering round Little Bighorn.

[Jinglebob]

Yup, some people are so competetive, that they can't even let their children have the fun of learning how to make things and then make them even better. The parents want the child to win at all costs. Just go watch some school sports. Sad.

[the_jersey_lilly_2000]

That's really sad. Alotta parent's don't realize that even tho they "think" they are only helping, that they are in truth settin the kids back. Let them be creative, there's nothin wrong with helpin with ideas, or even helpin with a project as long as the kid is makin it and the parent remains the assistant. No matter what it turns out like, each child has his or her own creativity that should be pointed out and praised. Because each time a child is "knocked down" because of somethin bigger and better, that just makes them not wanna participate in things in the future. Best way I've found to handle that situation is to just sit em down and point out the fact that the teacher asked , YOU to make a project......not the parents. Don't ever be ashamed of something you've made just because it might not be as big, it still has it's great things about it that can be pointed out.
Prime example was these trips we just went on with the FFA kids.....The judges had a tough job, no doubt about it, but it was based on workmanship, not on how big it was.
Give that lil 7 year old a pat on the back and a hug and tell em "job well done".

[Faster horses]

Great posts, Jinglebob and Jersey Lilly.

As with horses, we need to remember to reward the 'try'...

or there won't be any try.

You just can't shoot kids down all the time without damaging them.

Things are just too competitive anymore. Whatever happened to "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game."

(not just talking about sports, either.)

[Maple Leaf Angus]

That is so hard for your kid because the diorama had his or her whole, "childs" heart, imagination and enthusiasm put into it, and then it is all up-staged by the work of an adult. Hopefully, you can find the right language to convey to your youngster the difference between the two projects. Also that the teacher, the parents and, most of all, your child, know that each thing we do is ultimately evaluated by its real worth and not by the comparitve or superfical value. Your kid deserves to know that.

[Jinglebob]

The only true competition is with ones self.

[katrina]

My two cants worth is that. Never let your chold feel that what ever he has made is not good enough. We have dealt with this problem alot and have a ton of exprience. Trust me your child will come out way ahead in the long run. For example: We have a modern woodman contest for speeches. One boy pipes up and says I don't have my note cards at school today, my mom is rewriting them for me. Later on down the line the kid in high school is doing only mediocre work. No matter the work your child puts out, later on down the line he will do better and be very successful. Go ahead and admire the other work, but at home explain to your child what is happening and go on. Life ain't fair, but in having happy healthy children they have to have self confindence in their work.
Never, never say in front of your child, well my johnney didn't win because: No excuses......Who cares who won, it's how you play the game. And that goes with anything you do in life, so as soon as they learn this. I guareentee you they will be winners.

[Northern Rancher]

yeah fall fairs are the same everywhere-I guess the best way to combat this is if the kids brought the stuff in and did their work at school-really only way you can. Not much danger of the kids getting help from me-they got me beat talent wise already. There are some really good projects though both at fall fair and science fair-don't worry bout the kids that get too much help at home -it all comes out in the wash-i guess maybe the teacher could take the parent aside and mention it's the kids project. By the way -there aren't any waterfalls at the Little Bighorn lol. One of the coolest science projects I've ever saw was on 'artificial permafrost' now does anybody know what causes that lol.

[theHiredMansWife]

[CattleRMe]

[Jinglebob]

I guess you just keep explaining that if everyone was exactly the same size and brain power, life would be pretty boring. We all like to win, but we sure hate to lose. I would tell them I thot' that if they just did there best, that should be good enough. But they've got to try their best and work their hardest and give it their all.

If raising kids was easy, we wouldn't need grand parents!

[katrina]

Today's Inspirational Story



Teaching Children to Think Positively
By replacing worries with desire and faith, you can help your child become happier.
By Patti Teel

While we’d like to believe that our children live carefree lives devoid of concerns and worries, many children become anxious and self-critical at an early age. However, parents can help their children to develop positive thinking, a discipline that can be developed through practice. Children can learn to replace worries with desire and faith, and to think and speak more positively. (In child-like lingo, this would amount to imagining that things will happen the way we want them to, and always saying good things about ourselves.)
Many children are born optimists. They have a wonderful feeling of self-assurance and absolute faith that their wishes and desires will come true. However, other children seem to be born worriers. They may worry about speaking in front of their class, that they are stupid, that no one likes them, etc. etc. Their list of worries can go on and on. Worrying is one of the most disregarded forms of stress. Instead of focusing on what we desire or want, worry focuses on what will happen when things go wrong.

We attract what we pay attention to, but oftentimes children (and adults) don’t realize that they are focusing on what they don’t want, rather than what they do want. For instance, if you and your child have been sick, you’re probably both clear that this is not what you want. However, if you’re thinking and worrying about being sick, it’s an entirely different perspective than focusing on being well.

When your child expresses a worry by telling you what she doesn’t want to have happen, help her to identify and then start focusing on what she truly wants to have happen instead. For instance, if your daughter says, “I don’t want to go to the party because no one will play with me,” help her to identify what she wants by asking, “What would you like to have happen at the party?” And then, “What if you have fun at the party?” Children who worry a lot are great candidates for visualization and imagery. The truth is, worry is negative visualization and it takes a vivid imagination to imagine such horrible scenarios! Gradually, teach your children to focus on their wants and desires, rather than their fears and worries. Tell stories in which your child faces and overcomes a fear or attains her goal. Eventually she will be able to visualize these positive scenarios on her own.

Think and speak positively

Challenge your child to direct all statements that start with “I am,” towards positive statements and goals. Negative affirmations such as “I’m just stupid” or “I’m always sick” are very harmful because they can penetrate a child’s subconscious, which accepts them—hook, line, and sinker. Our minds and bodies are not separate entities—they are connected. When a child creates positive pictures and self-suggestion, it can have a beneficial effect on both his physical and emotional health. It sounds simplistic; however, children who picture themselves as happy and healthy will be taking an important step towards becoming happy and healthy throughout their entire lives. Happiness and improved health are gifts that each child can give himself through the power of his own thoughts and imagination.

As parents, we always need to keep in mind that we are our children’s heroes and role models. If we are continuously worried and self-critical, our children are likely to be the same. Worrying projects negative energy and it doesn’t do you or your children a bit of good. In fact, when children are aware that their parents are worried about them, it projects a lack of faith and they tend to feel more anxious. Admittedly, there are times when our worries are well founded. Even then, instead of worrying and imagining the worst possible scenario, try to focus on the positive outcome that you desire and on actions that can help to bring it about.