Alone on an Island

[fedup2]

Being tomorrow is Paddys day, I figured I'd better share an Irish joke. I am not Irish but tomorrow is my B-day so I figure its legal!

Alone on an Island

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for
over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." And, as the speck
got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small
boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure.

Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit , there stood
a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to
him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar."

"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the
left sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars.

He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorrah,"
said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can
be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Powers Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a
pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!"
stated the Irishman. "'Tis truly fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long
front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling
man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed,
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there,
too!"

[TimH]

That reminds me of a similar story that goes something like this.........

A man is shipwrecked and stranded alone on an island for several years. On day,as he is staring out at the ocean, he sees something floating in toward the beach. As it gets closer he realizes it is a person.
He swims out and drags the body in to shore. Amazingly the person is still alive and as he brushes away the seaweed from her face, he discovers that this person is Meg Ryan(the actress).
After she wakes up, she explains that she had been on a cruise ship and had fell overboard.
As the following days and weeks passed by, he nursed her back to health and provided food and shelter for her. A "relationship" soon developed and before too long they were sleeping together.
After a couple more weeks they were sitting together by their campfire one evening, when a stick rolled out of the fire. The man picked it up and put it back into the fire and then noticed that he had some black soot on his finger. He stared thoughtfully at his finger for a moment, and then looked up quickly at Meg and, with his sooty finger, he drew a mustache on her face.
She was startled and somewhat taken aback, but said nothing. He then said, "Meg, I have something to ask you". Feeling a little frightened that maybe this guy was some kind of weirdo after all, she decided that it would be safest to just go along with him. "Go ahead", she said.
He looked her in the eye and said, "Would it be OK if I put my arm around you and called you Dave"?
Terrified now, she told him "I guess so".
So he puts his arm over her shoulders and says, "Dave, you won't believe who I've been sleeping with for the last two weeks"!!!

[ranchwife]

[the_jersey_lilly_2000]

Too funny!!!!

[fedup2]

I imagine he just had to tell somebody Tim!

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one did come forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" Immediately the Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to his freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

[Hanta Yo]

LOL, thanks for the jokes!!