ranchwife- Ole and Lena

[Oldtimer]

A nurse in the maternity ward came out to the waiting room to tell Ole that Lena had just had a baby.

"I'm happy to tell you that you have a little girl," said the nurse, "but I'm sorry that I have to tell you that one leg is a bit shorter than the other".

"Vell, dats all right," Ole replied, "Ve vere planning to call her 'Eileen' anyvay."

[HAY MAKER]

To those in North Dakota, Minnesota, and for that matter the rest of
the country, including Canada, I must report the sad news that Ole was
shot. He was up by the Canadian border on his 4-wheeler cutting some
trees when some rangers looking for terrorists spotted him. According
to the news reports, the rangers shouted to him over a loudspeaker,
"Who are you and what are you doing?"

Ole shouted back, "OLE..... BIN LOGGIN'!"

Ole is survived by his wife Lena and Lena's good friend Lars

[fedup2]

Ole, Lena, Sven, & Lars all moved into a retirement home. The boys sat on a bench in the hallway and whittled. Lena who was very bored was flipping through the channels on her tv when she heard the crowd at a baseball game start screaming, yelling, whistling and laughing. She saw a streaker run naked across the baseball diamond with the cops chasing him.

Lena got to thinking that the home there could use a little of this excitement also. She took all her clothes off and peeked out the door to make sure no one else was in the hallway besides the 3 guys. Then she ran down the hallway to the door right past the boys and back into her room. The boys sat there and kept whittling. Lars looked at Ole and said “by golly Ole, dat sure looked like your Lena”! Ole said “Sure did”. Sven said “Ole, vat do you spose she vas wearing? Ole replied “I’m don’t know but it sure looked like it needed ironing”!

[ranchwife]

keep 'em coming, everyone!! I am compiling a notebook of Ole and Lena's finest for my dad for christmas!! Get a chuckle outta the North Dakota/Norwegian!!!

[Liberty Belle]

Here's a couple for you:

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400/month for support".
"Vell, dat's fine, Judge, " said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself".

__________

After living in the remote wilderness of North Dakota all his life, an old Norwegian decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.
Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about dat! Dere's a picture of my daddy." Ole bought the 'picture,' but on the way home from Fargo he remembered his wife, Lena, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
Lena began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So dat's the ugly hussy he's runnin' around vit!"

[HAY MAKER]

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries.

The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.

Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."

The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died.'?

Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole.

If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."

So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put, Ole died. Boat for sale."

[DJL]

These would probably be funnier if my grandparents weren't actually named Ole and Lena.......

[Denny]

Sven stops by ole and Lena's with a new truck.He says say lets go to da bar I'm buyin.Ole not one to pass up free beer grabs Lena and away they go.Sven kept buying Ole beer till he was good and Drunk.Then he tells Lena say hows about we take a closer look at my truck so off they go.After a while Ole run's out of beer so he goes to the truck to get Sven thar he see's em naked and a goin at it.He runs in da bar and gets everyone to come see when he get's back he's laughing his butt off.The bartender ask him whats so funny Sven's making whoopee with Lena.Ole says ya dats whats so funny ole Sven's so drunk he thinks he's me.

[Soapweed]