Obama-Biden Adopt Conservative/Republican Child

[Mike]

Obama, Biden to Adopt Republican Child
DENVER, CO - Barack Obama and Joe Biden, America's hottest new couple, will announce plans to adopt a Republican child, according to sources close to the pair. Continuing the trend of high-profile couples adopting oppressed children, 'Obiden', as they are collectively known, seek to rescue children mired in the clutches of conservatism. The couple has located a child in a remote, unprogressive part of western Texas, long plagued with little diversity and chronic gun use.

"We can make a difference one child at a time." said a tearful Obama during a convention break. "There are millions of helpless children in danger of living their entire lives as conservatives. We can spare them that tragedy, give them spare hope, and spare change."

The child, known only as 'Jacob', has reportedly never been exposed to recreational drug use, seen a homeless person, or ridden public transportation. His native land is notorious for ethnic and religious oppression. "There isn't a mosque or hip-hop club within a thousand miles." says Obama. Children as young as four years old are taught to shoot guns and encouraged to kill fish and other animals. "The environment there is pretty barbaric." adds Obama.

Obama, who is half Caucasian, along with Biden, who is completely Caucasian, plan to quickly introduce Jacob to mainstream American life. Said Obama: "We're planning an extended trip to South Chicago, away from all the guns and the killing."

[Juan]

[Hanta Yo]