What do you say?

[Shelly]

I'm sitting here with a sympathy card in front of me, and I'm at a loss for words. Usually, I write the same old "Our condolences", but this time I want something a little more special. A family that we know and have done business with in our community have lost two of their four sons in a horrific car accident a couple of nights ago. The oldest and youngest sons. The oldest had just graduated medical school this spring, and the youngest was still in high school. I sure could use a little help, because my words will not even come close to easing the pain and sorrow of the rest of the family. Alot of you folks on here have quite the gift for words. I hope you can help me out.

[kris]

the best thing you can do/say is that you are THERE FOR THEM IF THEY NEED ANYTHING!! Sometimes, just knowing that you are not alone and that there is a soft shoulder to cry on is the best medicine for a broken heart!! Best of luck and my heart goes to this family!! May the good Lord be with them in their time of grief!!

[Mrs.Greg]

Shelly,sorry about this too sad for words.Hugs to all

When my nieces boyfriend died recently,two people on here contributed things that meant alot to me AND to the family...I shared these with them.

Jodywy....."There would be sorrow in death if there was no joy in life"....thats been pretty profond to me!!!!

Also Yanuck sent me this,print it out and put it into your card.


A Child Loaned
"I'll lend you for a little time
A child of Mine." He said.
"For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven year
Or twenty-two or three
But will you, till I call him back
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories
As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay
Since all from Earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want the child to learn.
I've looked this wide world over
In my search for teacher's true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you;
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain
Nor hate Me when I come to call
And take him back again?

I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, They will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
For the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand."

Anonymous

[nr]

In addition to those good suggestions above, if you could say how each of those boys were specifically special to you, or something they'd said to you or that you admired about them- those are things that would speak to a parent. Oh my though, what a sad shock for them to bear.

[Faster horses]

Sharing a special moment you had with them, will speak volumnes to their family.

What a sad deal.

[Shortgrass]

Shelly, it don't matter what ya say so much as the fact that ya care enough to say something. I learned that several years ago when I lost a son. Just the fact that people came by & let their presence say "I care" means so much. Just a small hug can say volumes.

[PPRM]

You can't cure this hurt with any words...It is a huge one and people too often try to cure it and say the wrong things...

"God knows best".... True, but it really is not what one wants to hear...

"It was thier time" really deepens a feeling that time was stolen..


I have not a child to lose, but have been there for two different friends. All I could say was I was sorry... And keep being thier friend.

After the first one lost thier son, I had the opportunity to take a "Handling Grief" Class at Church. I learned that I had by luck done the right thing. Show you care and do not try to rationalize. Sometimes the only answer is "I do not know why"..

I also learned do not make them "Also Dead by yor actions", meaning avoidance...

I take comfort n knowing that others who have lost children will come to them. My friend who i have listened to often confided that is the one thing that helped hi pull thru the most. Others who have been there. He also thanked me several times for just listening and letting him know I care.

All of this prepared me for the second friend who lost a child... I thot. I could see the process, but it was far from easy.

Shelly, I do not know if this helps. Do write something simply saying you are sorry, perhaps sharing a good memory if you knew any of the children,

Good Luck,

PPRM

[MsSage]

Most merciful God,
whose wisdom is beyond our understanding,
surround this family with your love,
that they may not be overwhelmed by their loss,
but have confidence in your goodness
and strength to meet the days to come.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen

[OldDog/NewTricks]

A Wild Idea That Worked!

On my good friends passing (15 years ago) I asked his wife if I could do a PHOTO Like Story on the Services; my idea met with the approval of the Family BUT boy did I catch H377 from others.

I gave his wife a photo album...
His mother dropped me a note from Texas and wanted a copy
Over the years His kids have Thanked me and wanted photos.
I posted the photos on the Net and gave them a PRIVATE URL that "They" have passed around and we have had photo's ordered for that URL.

I have been asked to do Photo Reports on other services!

[Jassy]

My heart goes out to that family...Something I try and write in a card is a specific memory that I personnaly had of that person..several times a member of the family will mention later that they enjoyed the memory that I had written down for them...it seems to show that the person meant alot to friends as well as family. It's hard no matter what,,but the death of a child is the hardest.