Ranchers.net Bull Session

Men

A friendly place to talk about the weather, tell jokes and post cowboy poetry.
User avatar
rancher
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 1059
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2005 8:12 pm

Men

Postby rancher » Sat Feb 19, 2005 4:20 pm

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle
with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in.
AAA is not an option. I will win.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will
pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the
other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all
these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to
start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of
Holy Communion.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for
you this isn't a problem.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I
know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys
cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control
in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was
able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers
mainly.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or
football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so
don't ask.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or
think about her any more than I have to Whatever you got
her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't
forget to pick up something for my mother too.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....
and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll
do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering
around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
___________________________________________________

This has been a public service message for Women to better understand
the Male.

Have a great day!!!
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

TimH
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 1421
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2005 6:25 pm
Location: Southwest Manitoba

The Man's Prayer

Postby TimH » Sat Feb 19, 2005 5:11 pm

The Man's Prayer

I'm a man,
But I can change......
If I have to.....
I guess...... :?


Another blonde joke.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a
>>>show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts
>>>going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th
>>>row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your
>>>stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that
>>>way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth
>>>as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being
>>>respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full
>>>potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate
>>>discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in
>>>the name of humour!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize,
>>>and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that
>>>little $hit on your knee."

User avatar
Steve
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 16547
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2005 9:57 pm
Location: Wildwood New Jersey

Because I'm a man..

Postby Steve » Sat Feb 19, 2005 9:01 pm

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I
know, these are the same thing.


What the heck is tofu? Why would any body pick it up? (it looks icky). let alone bring it home from the store. Maybe one of those metro males, might eat it and say you could flavor it like somthing else. I won't eat somthing cause it can be flavored like something else unless it's just adding ketsup or gravy.

men don't want nothing to do with tofu, thats why we won't get it at the store. Not because we don't know what it is; it's a icky blob of cr@p.
"Obama: If They Bring a tank to the Fight, I'll Bring a teleprompter."

User avatar
Broke Cowboy
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 1311
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2005 5:18 pm
Location: With The Herd

Postby Broke Cowboy » Sat Feb 19, 2005 9:13 pm

Steve

I can honestly say I have never seen, touched or eaten tofu. What the heck is it made of? You appear to have at least seen the stuff - what does it look like?

Oh heck, who cares? Pass the beer and another steak please.

Bez
Tell The Bank To Get Stuffed

User avatar
baling wire
Member
Member
Posts: 161
Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2005 7:10 pm
Location: NEBRASKA PANHANDLE

Postby baling wire » Sun Feb 20, 2005 1:52 am

I think it is made of soybeans. Im with you give me a steak.

Denny
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 5608
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2005 3:21 pm
Location: Mn usa

Postby Denny » Sun Feb 20, 2005 11:43 am

baling wire wrote:I think it is made of soybeans. Im with you give me a steak.



And it comes from "NEW YORK CITY"

User avatar
Steve
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 16547
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2005 9:57 pm
Location: Wildwood New Jersey

Postby Steve » Sun Feb 20, 2005 3:00 pm

Tofu is some vegi cr@p that the want US to believe can be flavored to taste "like" other things. I think tofu is one of those china things. either way it looks like a spoiled icky cheese. probably never spoils either. I as a man will not buy it, bring it home or any other thing with it. I recently buthered a young Angus, that broke it's leg, the steaks are small but boy are the good. can't get any thing to taste like that. :!:

I'm with you Pass the Steak. or at least a burger , roast, ribs, :P
"Obama: If They Bring a tank to the Fight, I'll Bring a teleprompter."

User avatar
Hanta Yo
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 3645
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 2:17 pm
Location: South Central Montana

Postby Hanta Yo » Mon Feb 21, 2005 1:16 am

I LOVE you men! You are smart, simple and easy to please. Steak, salad and a baked potato is my favorite! Tofu??!!?? That stuff is CRAP!!!
'It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession.
I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.'
-Ronald Reagan

CW
Member
Member
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2005 9:51 pm
Location: North Dakota

Postby CW » Mon Feb 21, 2005 7:30 pm

Hanta YO...Let's be telling those kids in the schools the same thing! :twisted: When a grandchild of a beef producer comes home from school and says she is going to be a vegetarian, there is something wrong in that school!!!!!
As hard as it is to get into the city schools with agriculture, it is equally as easy for the animal rights groups (ie PETA) to get in through the Weekly Reader and other publications. We all need to fight this infiltration!
Signing the PETA petition to take away their tax exempt status is a good step in the right direction. If all on this board did that and it passed, they would not be the only ones to go down...The richies would have a hard time funding these activist organizations if they could not use it as a tax right off!
Maybe we should start a CattleWomen's board here!!! Anyone interested? How about Boss?
CW

Oldtimer

Postby Oldtimer » Mon Feb 21, 2005 11:19 pm

CW wrote:
Maybe we should start a CattleWomen's board here!!! Anyone interested? How about Boss?
CW


I'm against it--- I love talking to , teasing with, and playing with the ladies-- a womens board would remind me too much of 40 years ago when you went to a watering hole in Canada and couldn't even be in the same room with them............I think they thought it was socialized government protected virginity- but most were quicker to leave than if they could have been able to socialize........... :lol:

Radar
Member
Member
Posts: 125
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2005 6:54 pm

Postby Radar » Tue Feb 22, 2005 7:41 am

I shared an office with a person that ate a lot of tofu. A gut shot deer was way better smelling than cooked tofu.


Return to “Coffee Shop”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests