sent my "demolition derby" driver out the door a few minutes ago to meet the bus and as i was watching her leave, i could not help but feel a twinge of something....sadness?...hope?...loss?....pride??..yes, to all of the above....
my jessica is not perfect (hence, the $4500 worth of damage to the subaru), but she is an angel in my eyes!! i am sitting here and remember every "special" moment she and i have shared from her first breath 15 (damn, almost 16) years ago right up to her giving me a good bye kiss before leaving this morning for school. They really do grow up fast, folks, and before you know it, they are making college plans (she wants to be a pediatric oncologist..."kids should never die of cancer...just not right"). I remember how she got the round hair brush stuck in her hair when she was only 3 and had to have her first haircut because of that....she had that brush wrapped clear to her scalp...OUCH!!! now, she is grown and is so mature and (for the most part) responsible! she is also a typical teenage girl...she gets VERY emotional...cries at sad commercials not to mention sad movies....she also takes command by checking the cows at night for new babies while the cowboy catches a few hours of sleep....she can ride horses with the best of them and handle a man-sized 4 wheeler with precision! she handles being "mommy" to the 2 little ones when i am gone for 3-4 day stretches travel nursing! she is very independent, but still loves to lay down on the couch with her head in my lap while i brush her hair til she falls asleep....which usually only takes about 10 minutes! when she sleeps, i can see her smile and i wonder what she is dreaming about...going to college? prom next month? next years' basketball season? friends? riding her horse? BOYS???...i pray every night for her to stay safe, happy and healthy. I know that the time is coming for me to "cut the apron strings" and let her go out on her own...yep, i'm scared!! the real world can be an ugly place....but, it can also be beautiful and exciting and NEW...especially for a young woman from a very small town!! so, i am sitting her and mentally preparing myself for what i know will come 2 years down the road....better start now, huh? so, folks, hug your children today...no matter how little or how big! for those who still have little ones at home...cherish these days you have been blessed with...cherish their dirty little faces and the "presents" they bring home...the finger-paintings the do in kindergarten...the tadpole they found in the pond...the rock they painted "just for you"....take time to watch the wonder in their eyes over the most simple and innocent of things...the stars, a new calf, a new colt, a grasshopper, getting to "steer" the tractor while daddy works the peddles!! don't lose a moment, folks...you cannot get them back!! god bless and may each and every one of you have an absolutely glorious day!!!
Love wins....ennis, montana....June 14, 2003!!!