1. He picks you up in a backhoe.
I guess you haven't bought a backhoe recently?
"I saw an interview on TV where this one old farmer won ten million in the Lottery. Naturally he was asked what he was gonna do with all that money. He kinda scratched his head and said, "Not sure as I know right off. Guess I'll keep farmin' till it's all gone."
"A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural South Dakota He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a Rancher's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly Rancher rode up on his horse and asked him what he was doing.
The attorney responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it."
The old rancher replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here. "
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U. S. ; and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. "
The old rancher smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in South Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the Dakota Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is this three-kick Rule? "
The rancher replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up. "
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old rancher slowly climbed down from the horse and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the rancher's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn. "
The old rancher smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.