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THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR IN A WESTERN MOVIE

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Angus Cattle Shower
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THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR IN A WESTERN MOVIE

Postby Angus Cattle Shower » Sun Feb 27, 2005 10:16 am

1. "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"
2. "Let's see ... hardtack and pemmican ... that's three grams of fat,
seven grams of protein, and two starches."
3. "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw
upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."
4. "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is
from Dodge."
5. "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"
6. You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started
on the gazpacho and the fondue."
7. "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"
8. "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."
9. "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."
10. "Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"
11. "Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"
12. "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"
13. "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA fellers set me straight."
14. "Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."
15. "Who let the dogies out?"
16. "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get
started on the gazpacho and the fondue."
17. "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"
18. "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."
19. "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"
20. "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."
21. "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left... Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"

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Steve
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Postby Steve » Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:12 pm

Technical Terms for Country Folk

Log on: making a wood stove hotter
Log off: don't add no more wood
Monitor: keeping an eye on the wood stove
Download: gettin the farwood off the truck
Mega Hertz: when yer not keerful getting the farwood
Floppy disc: whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
Ram: that thar thing what splits the farwood
Hard drive: gettin home in the winter time
Prompt: whut the mail ain't in the winter time
Windows: what to shut when it's cold outside
Screen: what to shut when it's blak fly season
Byte: what dem flys do
Chip: munchies fer the TV
Micro Chip: whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
Modem: whacha did to the hay fields
Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap Top: whar the kitty sleeps
Keyboard: whar ya hang the keys
Software: them plastic forks and knifes
Mouse: what eats the grain in the barn
Mouse Pad: that hippie talk for the rat hole
Main frame: holds up the barn ruf
Port: fancy Flatlander wine
Enter: northerner talk fer C'Mon in y'all
Random Access Memory: when ya cain't 'member what ya paid fer the...... :roll:
"Obama: If They Bring a tank to the Fight, I'll Bring a teleprompter."


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