Ranchers.net Bull Session

Dear Abby

A friendly place to talk about the weather, tell jokes and post cowboy poetry.
User avatar
Casa Paloma
Member
Member
Posts: 130
Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2005 5:58 am
Location: Texas

Dear Abby

Postby Casa Paloma » Fri Mar 04, 2005 9:30 am

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job four years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and BS with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore -- You're a United States Senator from New York, act like it.

User avatar
sw
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 1373
Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2005 5:28 pm

Postby sw » Fri Mar 04, 2005 6:49 pm

Good one, wish I could put some of the Hillary jokes on here, the boss would put me in with Jared if I did!!!! :oops:
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE. FREEDOM IS BOUGHT AND PAID FOR BY THE BRAVE SO THE FREE CAN BE FREE.

User avatar
Steve
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 16547
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2005 9:57 pm
Location: Wildwood New Jersey

Postby Steve » Fri Mar 04, 2005 8:40 pm

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.

"Will I be acquitted?"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton came on the TV. After a few sips he looked up at the screen and mumbled, "Now there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."

Immediately, a customer at the end of the bar got up, walked over, decked him, and left.

A few minutes later, the man was finishing his beer when Hillary Clinton appeared on the TV. "She's a horse's ass too," he said. A customer from the other end of the bar got up, walked over, and knocked him off his stool.

"Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Did you know that Hillary Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom, because it represents inflation, halts production, and gives you a false sense of security while you are being screwed?


http://www.byrum.org/the.web.walker/tas ... llary.html
"Obama: If They Bring a tank to the Fight, I'll Bring a teleprompter."

User avatar
Steve
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 16547
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2005 9:57 pm
Location: Wildwood New Jersey

Postby Steve » Fri Mar 04, 2005 8:55 pm

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm Secret Service searched the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff.

To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor. "Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"

"Yep. Sure did." the man muttered unconcernedly. "Do you realize that is the President of the United States' airplane?"

"Yep." "Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped. "Nope. They's all kilt straight out." the farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning."

"The President of the United States is DEAD?" The agent gulped in disbelief. "Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . but you know what a liar he is."
"Obama: If They Bring a tank to the Fight, I'll Bring a teleprompter."

User avatar
sw
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 1373
Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2005 5:28 pm

Postby sw » Fri Mar 04, 2005 10:12 pm

thanks steve keep them coming :lol: :lol: :lol:
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE. FREEDOM IS BOUGHT AND PAID FOR BY THE BRAVE SO THE FREE CAN BE FREE.

User avatar
ranchwife
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 3990
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2005 6:18 pm
Location: ennis, montana

Postby ranchwife » Sat Mar 05, 2005 2:51 am

gonna have to show these to the cowboy when he awakens in the morning. he is not fan of the clintons either!! give him his morning chuckle as you have given me mine..thanks, guys!! :lol: :lol: :wink:
Love wins....ennis, montana....June 14, 2003!!!
Never forget!


Return to “Coffee Shop”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests