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My Rules For Getting This Old

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Casa Paloma
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My Rules For Getting This Old

Postby Casa Paloma » Fri Mar 04, 2005 9:47 am

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad caugh, take a large dose of laxatives. You'll be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.

8. You really need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

9. Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

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sw
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Postby sw » Fri Mar 04, 2005 9:49 am

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"


"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking
like that since I left him seven years ago."


"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think
anybody could celebrate that long."


Services will be held at 2:30pm Saturday at Forever Green Mortuary. :lol:
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE. FREEDOM IS BOUGHT AND PAID FOR BY THE BRAVE SO THE FREE CAN BE FREE.

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ranchwife
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Location: ennis, montana

Postby ranchwife » Sat Mar 05, 2005 3:06 am

casa and sw...you are forcing me to move my computer to a remote area of the house as my laughter at 2 am is waking the children!!! :lol: :lol: :wink:
Love wins....ennis, montana....June 14, 2003!!!
Never forget!


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