PRARIE DAWG AT THE SALE BARN.
Two cows were brought into the auction ring, and in an attempt to maximize the price received by the consignor, the auctioneer offered "buyer's choice." This meant that the winning bidder got his choice of the two cows. It just so happens that the winning bidder was a newcomer to the cattle business who, for purposes of this essay, we shall refer to as SH the prarie dawg, for reasons that will become obvious.
While watching prarie dawg put together a cowherd for his inlaws ranch it was clear to everyone that he was as sharp as a bowling ball...only without the decision-making abilities of one. In politically correct terms, prarie dawg had "a decision-making disorder." It also didn't help that he couldn't tell a Jersey cow from a Southdown sheep.
He would have been better off staying home and paying an order buyer 50 cents a hundred to buy his cows, or to at least sit beside him in an advisory capacity. But instead, prarie dawg insisted on exercising his right to be wrong at every available opportunity.
prarie dawg bid with the confidence of a cat burglar, only to bring the auction activities to a complete standstill when it came time to pick between an obviously good cow in the height of her production and a bag-of-bones, slaughter-run reject. Faced with this seemingly easy decision, prarie dawg appeared to get lost in thought...and it was unfamiliar territory for him.
Rather than do the smart thing and let the ring man pick out the best cow between the 10 year-old gummer and the fresh young cow, prarie dawg tried to save himself some embarrassment by taking both cows at two times the money. As you might expect, this decision was met in the auction arena with a few chuckles and several snorting guffaws. That's because usually a buyer can buy the remaining animal in the ring for $100 or even $200 less than the first pick.
So the next time prarie dawg had to pick between two cows he studied long and hard before making his pick. Then the auctioneer proceeded to sell the cow prarie dawg had left behind for $250 more than prarie dawgs first pick. Talk about embarrassing!
Needless to say, prarie dawg immediately came down with a bad case of "buyer's remorse" and realized he was in danger of losing a reputation he never really enjoyed in the first place in this tight little community. He knew he had to do something...and fast.
So with no more conscience than a stampeding cow, he stood up and announced, "Wait a minute, that's the cow I wanted. You were hurrying me and misunderstood which cow I wanted. I don't want that swaybacked, bad-bagged, sack of bones you tried to unload on me."
To which the auctioneer replied, "No, prarie dawg, we all watched you pick the first cow, and you'd better start bragging on her because she's yours now."
prarie dawg received several lessons like this but never did come to the realization that a person doesn't just fall off the hay truck one day and become a good cow buyer. There is a steep learning curve, and prarie dawg missed the curve at every turn.
After the previously mentioned public humiliation, whenever the auctioneer asked prarie dawg to select a cow from an assortment in the ring, prarie dawg appeared to brain lock. First he'd pick a black one, no, make it the red one. It didn't help that prarie dawg couldn't see through a barbed wire fence.
It got to the point that the delays in waiting on prarie dawg to make a decision outlasted the lifespans of some of the cows in the auction ring. Invariably the auctioneer would try to speed up the process by pleading, "prarie dawg, your option is about to expire. Please pick a cow."
The last time I saw prarie dawg at the auction he was again being asked to select from a pair of mismatched bovines in the sale ring. Despite the urgings of the auctioneer to make a decision, prarie dawg still resembled a VW bug in that he looked like he might go either way at any time. Finally, he made his selection, to which the auctioneer routinely replied, "Okay, now let's sell the good cow." And that my friends is why ~SH~the prarie dawg has no use for us sale barn hicks.........good luck