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Dogs vs Wives

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Oldtimer

Dogs vs Wives

Postby Oldtimer » Sat Feb 12, 2005 9:03 pm

26 reasons why men have 2 dogs and not 2 wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
6. A dog's parents never visit.
7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
across.
9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or
desk.
10. Dogs seldom outlive you.
11. Dogs can't talk.
12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a
day.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you
get another dog?"
17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them
away.
18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a
pervert.
19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just
think it's interesting.
21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.
25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.
And, last but not least:
26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff

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ranchwife
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Postby ranchwife » Sat Feb 12, 2005 10:24 pm

HILARIOUS!!! now i am gonna be busy trying to make up good rebuttals for all those....shouldn't be too hard!!! so, be watching, oldtimer!!!
kris

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nr
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Postby nr » Sun Feb 13, 2005 4:32 am

Right before Valentines Day you print that? Oldtimer, you dog. :lol:
Let's see, why do wives like only one husband but LOTS of chocolates?

There must be many answers to that one but at this hour can't think of nary a one.

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Postby fedup2 » Sun Feb 13, 2005 11:38 am

The Elephant
Mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, "What's that?"

"That's the elephant's tail," she replies.

"No, under the tail," says the youngster.

The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, nothing."

The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question.

His father looks and says, "That's the elephant's penis, son."

"So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy.

The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

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Postby fedup2 » Sun Feb 13, 2005 11:43 am

This one is for the women. I received it from one of my nieces. Sorry guys, i had to help them a little!

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

HAY MAKER
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Postby HAY MAKER » Sun Feb 13, 2005 7:46 pm

Old Timer your gonna keep messing around and those ladies are gonna gang up on you ,your old enough to know better than to compare the ladies to mans best friend LOL................good luck

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Kato
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Postby Kato » Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:27 am

Difference between a man on the porch and a dog on the porch?

The dog quits whining when you let him in. :lol:
Always drive the truck so you don't have to get out and open the gate.

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Postby ranchwife » Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:50 am

kato and oldtimer...thanks for the much needed smiles this morning...please keep them coming!!!
kris

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sw
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Postby sw » Tue Feb 15, 2005 11:10 am

OT,
you need to add #27. Last night, in honor of Valentines day, I was cooking dinner for my two sweeties. Last time I was in town I picked up lobster tails and I had thawed out some beef filets, classic surf and turf, along with rice pilaf, salad and garlic bread. Last night was also dance night for my daughter. She was riding home with a neighbor and should have been there by 6:30. Wifey went to pick her up as I was busy cooking. Had the candles lit, everything ready, and nobody showed up. Awhile later, wifey came in mad as heck, no one ever came home to the neighbors, nobody called, wanted to know what was going on. Waited and waited, nothing. Wifey decided, let's just eat, so she started. Then the phone rang, guess what, it's the daughter, they are just finishing eating their hamburgers and they will be home in about an hour. Now my fuse was burning and getting very short. Decided to eat before everything was cold, then they came walking in like nothing had happened. The neighbor lady, so apologetic, "oh, lobster and everything, my isn't this nice! I guess we should have called and told you what we were doing, cel phone would not work, never thought to use a pay phone". By the time she shut up and left, the rice pilaf was a pile of undetermined goo, the bread so hard you needed a chain saw, the filets cold and grey, the lobster soggeylike a dead fish, but the salad was still crisp, it was in the fridge. So, #27, dogs will always share your food with you, no matter who is yelling, no matter who is mad, and no matter how many hours it has been sitting on the stove.

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nr
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Postby nr » Tue Feb 15, 2005 11:56 am

sw, you have all the women's adoration on this net for the Valentine's dinner you prepared for wifey regardless of whether it was eaten or not.
It is the attempt that is memorable.


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