The Top 10 suggestions for lying about wheat yields by Mark Parker, FarmTalk newspaper:
10. Always refer to a field not located along a road.
9. Allow the other guy to mention his yield first then add 7.25 bushels.
8. Write the "enhanced" yield on the bottom-side of your cap bill so you can keep the story straight.
7. Hint that you’ve been tweaking your secret high-yield recipe for some time now.
6. Above all, make sure neither your landlord nor your lender is within earshot.
5. Practice saying, "Well, yield monitors don’t lie."
4. Don’t push your luck by jacking up the protein content.
3. When they ask about variety, say, "I’m really not at liberty to say."
2. It’s a nice touch to add, "Can’t imagine what it woulda made if the neighbor’s cows hadn’t got into it."
1. The coup de grace: Turns out, your field is smaller than you thought so your bpa has actually been higher for the past 37 years. £