Ranchers.net Bull Session

Pertinent Questions

A friendly place to talk about the weather, tell jokes and post cowboy poetry.
User avatar
Soapweed
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 16071
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 7:54 pm
Location: northern Nebraska Sandhills

Pertinent Questions

Postby Soapweed » Sun Jan 31, 2016 4:34 pm

Hello -- I have questions!

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G ?
******
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will ever open from the first end you try?

How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart, then apologizes for doing so; why do we say, "It's all right"? Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That really hurt you dumb sh*t, why don't you watch where you're going?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

And A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK..? (then it's you!)
~
REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!
And a day without sunshine is, like..........night!!!!

User avatar
Big Muddy rancher
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 21283
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2005 6:29 pm
Location: Big Muddy valley
Contact:

Re: Pertinent Questions

Postby Big Muddy rancher » Sun Jan 31, 2016 8:30 pm

I'm sure with all those grandkids you have you will have a list of question you could publish every year for quite a while. :D :D :lol:
Avatar by Haymaker

I can't tame wild women.

But I can make tame women wild.

User avatar
Mike
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 28459
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2005 4:05 pm
Location: Montgomery, Al

Re: Pertinent Questions

Postby Mike » Sun Jan 31, 2016 10:09 pm

:clap:
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

tamarack
Member
Member
Posts: 99
Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2010 5:47 pm
Location: alberta canada

Re: Pertinent Questions

Postby tamarack » Tue Feb 09, 2016 12:23 am

Thanks i needed that!

User avatar
Nesikep
Member
Member
Posts: 81
Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2016 5:07 pm
Location: Interior BC

Re: Pertinent Questions

Postby Nesikep » Thu Mar 17, 2016 10:29 pm

Here's another one..

If you clean a vacuum cleaner...
well.. you're a vacuum cleaner!
Small timer with a bunch of cows


Return to “Coffee Shop”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests