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22 ways to be a good Democrat

Faster horses

Well-known member
Got this in an email:

22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create depressions and governments create prosperity.



3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iranians and North Korean communists.



4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.



5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.



6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.



7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.



8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco or Portland do.



10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.



12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.



15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying transvestites in drag should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States .



21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.



22. You have to believe that it's OK to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not OK to say "Merry Christmas."

Ready to vote?
 

Goodpasture

Well-known member
25 Ways to be a Good Republican

1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and needs our prayers for your recovery.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the wrong gender.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism personified.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

18) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a we-can't-find-Bin-Laden diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.

21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a private matter.

22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did decades later is stale news and irrelevant.

25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy
 

Goodpasture

Well-known member
26 ways to be a good Republican...
# You have to be against a woman’s right to choose, but support the murder of thousands by air strike.
# You have to believe that a shopping mall is better than a backyard, as long as it’s not YOUR backyard.
# You have to believe that guns in the hands of drug dealers and gang-bangers are less of a threat than countries that have never fired a weapon at Americans here in America.
# You have to believe that there were no airlines before Federal funding, tax breaks and kickbacks.
# You have to believe that global temperatures are more permanently affected by natural changes in the earth's climate than billions of tons of waste gasses pumped into the atmosphere by coal and natural gas power plants.
# You have to believe that the sex of someone else’s spouse is actually your business, but your adultery isn’t anyone else’s business.
# You have to believe that the AIDS epidemic cannot be slowed with the assistance of the Federal government.
# You have to believe that the teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is doing a great job.
# You have to believe that hunters care about nature because the 10-point rack on the wall shows their commitment to it.
# You have to believe that things magically happen even if you have no self-esteem.
# You have to believe that Mel Gibson made The Passion Of The Christ because Christ died for our sins and not to gain notoriety.
# You have to believe the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, but the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
# You have to believe that taxes are too high and the deficit, trade gap and unemployment levels are too low.
# You have to believe that Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, John F. Kennedy, and Thomas Edison.
# You have to believe that standardized tests are not racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are.
# You have to believe that George W. Bush is normal and is a smart, well-spoken person with no hidden agendas.
# You have to believe that a representative democratic republic will work for everyone, regardless of belief, history or ideology and that it’s okay to kill a considerable percentage of them to bring it to them.
# You have to believe that a President having consensual sex with another adult is far worse than a President who’s eager to send our children off to get killed in a war that isn’t a war to find weapons that didn’t exist.
# You have to believe that Christmas and Easter were originally Christian holidays and not co-opted seasonal festivals of Pagans.
# You have to believe that changing the rules of the Senate and the Ethics Committee to protect Republican Senators is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
# You have to believe that we actually went to war in Iraq to find WMDs because they were a clear and present threat to the United States.
# You have to believe that Republican backed special interest groups didn't finance The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, they got the idea and money on their own.
# You have to believe Bill Clinton getting a blowjob in the Oval Office is appalling, but Newt Gingrich serving his wife with divorce papers on her deathbed is A-OK.
# You have to believe in defending the sanctity of marriage except when it’s a husband trying to fulfill his wife’s wish in ending her life.
# You have to feel that marriage is sacrosanct and inviolate while ignoring the fact that 61% of Catholics get divorced and another 7% get their marriages annulled.
# You have to believe that what John Kerry did 30 years ago is important, but what George W. Bush didn't do 30 years ago isn't.
 

Goodpasture

Well-known member
1. You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong, because it’s a communist country. But trading with China and Vietnam is justifiable.

2. You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Clinton and Monica, but Bush needed to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because there are just some things Americans don’t need to know.

3. You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution – which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet

4. You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a we-can’t-find-Bin Laden diversion

5. You have to believe that waging war with no exist strategy was wrong in Vietnam, but right in Iraq




6. You believe that tobacco’s link to cancer and global warming are “junk science”, but Creationism should be taught in schools

7. You have to believe that universal health care is wrong, and that HMO’s and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart

8. You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money

9. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don’t have condoms they won’t have sex

10. You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits

11. You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you – and Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and liberals

12. You have to be against a woman’s right to choose, but support the murder of millions by air strike

13. “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India so you can get products from WalMart

14. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don’t pray to Allah or Buddha

15. You have to believe that government should stay out of people’s lives, but needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the same gender

16. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own

17. You have to believe the ACLU is bad, because it supports the Constitution, but you support the NRA wholeheartedly

18. You have to believe that we actually went to war in Iraq to find WMD’s because they were a clear and present threat to the United States

19. You have to believe Bill Clinton getting a blowjob in the Oval Office is appalling, but Newt Gingrich serving his wife with divorce papers on her deathbed is A-OK.

20. You have to believe that Fox News is fair and balanced

21. You’re not ashamed to tell everyone you believe in God, but feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and doing unto others as we would have others do unto us sounds like socialism

22. You have to believe that Clinton inhaling once is the sign of moral defect, while Bush’s drinking and driving was excusable because he was young

23. You have to believe that spending money on the war in Iraq is more important then fighting the drug dealers and gang members whom are harming American’s

24. You have to believe that it is much more important to know about all the dirt in a candidates past, then it is to listen to his beliefs and political ideas – unless of course he is a Republican

25. You have to believe that this message was authored by a left-wing pinko socialist bleeding heart liberal.
 

cutterone

Well-known member
And maybe if we did away with having a two party system and quit labeling each other as to one party or the other and choosing stricly by party lines we could spend a lot less waisted time and get something done.
We most likely will not get the best canidates for office because it will be decided by the big party bosses, the media, and their monetary influences. Too bad all primaries aren't held within about a two week period so that any canidate could be voted on by the issues and platforms instead of the money spent. This congress has spent more time and money just to slap the other side rather than get something done!
 

Tex

Well-known member
cutterone said:
And maybe if we did away with having a two party system and quit labeling each other as to one party or the other and choosing stricly by party lines we could spend a lot less waisted time and get something done.
We most likely will not get the best canidates for office because it will be decided by the big party bosses, the media, and their monetary influences. Too bad all primaries aren't held within about a two week period so that any canidate could be voted on by the issues and platforms instead of the money spent. This congress has spent more time and money just to slap the other side rather than get something done!

:agree:
 

backhoeboogie

Well-known member
Tex said:
cutterone said:
And maybe if we did away with having a two party system and quit labeling each other as to one party or the other and choosing stricly by party lines we could spend a lot less waisted time and get something done.
We most likely will not get the best canidates for office because it will be decided by the big party bosses, the media, and their monetary influences. Too bad all primaries aren't held within about a two week period so that any canidate could be voted on by the issues and platforms instead of the money spent. This congress has spent more time and money just to slap the other side rather than get something done!

:agree:

I agree too Tex excpet for one thing. What if I were to run for Pres? The only way to have a chance would be to get on the Demo or Rep ticket. No way in hades can I go with the Dems since about '76. I don't agree with all the Rep issues either.

The Lib Party has elected a govenor (Jesse Ventura) but that is about all to its claim. They are about less government etc, which is also a good thing. But no one from that party has a chance at Pres. Also don't think there is a chance for an Independant either just because of the way the house and senate are set up.

So, this is one of those times the truth really hurts.
 

Tex

Well-known member
backhoeboogie said:
Tex said:
cutterone said:
And maybe if we did away with having a two party system and quit labeling each other as to one party or the other and choosing stricly by party lines we could spend a lot less waisted time and get something done.
We most likely will not get the best canidates for office because it will be decided by the big party bosses, the media, and their monetary influences. Too bad all primaries aren't held within about a two week period so that any canidate could be voted on by the issues and platforms instead of the money spent. This congress has spent more time and money just to slap the other side rather than get something done!

:agree:

I agree too Tex excpet for one thing. What if I were to run for Pres? The only way to have a chance would be to get on the Demo or Rep ticket. No way in hades can I go with the Dems since about '76. I don't agree with all the Rep issues either.

The Lib Party has elected a govenor (Jesse Ventura) but that is about all to its claim. They are about less government etc, which is also a good thing. But no one from that party has a chance at Pres. Also don't think there is a chance for an Independant either just because of the way the house and senate are set up.

So, this is one of those times the truth really hurts.

If hindsight is 20/20 and we could do it over again, we would all have taken Ross Perot's claims more seriously.

What we need is foresight.
 

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