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A Beaver Problem

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kolanuraven

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Hope ya'll enjoy.




> This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
> Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This
> guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to
> the response letter.
>
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>
> Dear Mr. DeVries:
>
> It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
> Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
> referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
> landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
> activity:
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
> stream of Spring Pond.
>
> A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
> A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
> issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is
> in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
> Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
> annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
> Partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
> flooding at Downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
> hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
> to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
> stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the
> dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no
> later than January 31, 2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
> that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
> to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
> site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
>
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
> matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
> questions.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> David L. Price, District Representative
> Land and Water Management Division
> ****************************************
>
> Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries---
>
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
> Dear Mr. Price,
>
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
> to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
> Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
> process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across
> the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize,
> nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that
> you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I
> would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam
> project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state
> there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
> resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination
> and/or their dam work ethic.
>
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
> Must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
> activity. My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to
> discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all
> beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you
> are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the
> Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
> applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there
> really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
> Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
> Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
> Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers
> Entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
> financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State
> will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern
> that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event,
> causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
> Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond
> Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
>
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
> contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
> obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being
> unable to read English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
> Their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
> and Water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
> enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
> Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural
> resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
> Referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
> 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
> there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
> environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
> Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
> should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you
> are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are
> not careful where they dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
> Contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
> to your dam office.
>
> THANK YOU.
> RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
>
>
>
 

Silver

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That is truly hilarious..... and a little sad at the same time.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

Soapweed

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I've had the pleasure of reading that cute story several times the past couple of years, always e-mailed to me by my conservative anti-environmentalist friends. kolanuraven, I think you are a cool-thinking conservative spirit all trapped in a wannabe Liberal Democrat wrapping. Get with the Right program, kid, before it's too late. :wink: :)
 

PureCountry

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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :clap: :clap :clap: :clap: :clap:

Thanks. That was the best laugh I've had for a few days. It's been a long day today and that just sort of turned it all around.

What a play on words. It's amazing what it takes sometimes to take the blinders off of folks.
 

kolanuraven

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Soapweed.....I guess I'm a a mixed bag of politics....keeps the world & everyone guessing. I'm not one to be predictable!

But never fear.....I've sat with my .223 and rid the world of a few varmits from time to time.

Soapweed....by the by...ever know of a Cleo Bloom in your area, in and about Valentine....Bloom Cattle Co.? Cleo is dead now but just wondering how small a world is really is here in the internet.
 

Soapweed

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Cleo Bloom was a well-respected rancher in the Valentine area. His wife, Frances, owned and operated the Stillwell Insurance Agency in Valentine for many years, and we have always insured our ranch buildings, equipment and vehicles with this company.

Both Cleo and Frances have passed on, and the insurance agency sold to Community First, and now is owned by Bank of the West. We still do business with them.

Cleo Bloom left a half million dollar endowment to start the Sandhills Area Foundation. Others have also contributed, and there are about a hundred and fifty members. Annual dues are a hundred dollars. The Foundation is involved with community betterment, and also gives scholarships to aspiring high school seniors. The Foundation, started by Mr. Bloom, now has assets of about $750,000. It was a great idea, and seems to be off and running in fine form.

The Blooms were good Republicans. :wink:
 

kolanuraven

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I knew Cleo before he died and have known his son for over 20 yrs now. In fact his son now lives in Hay Springs, NE.

It surely is small world! Oh yeah do I ever remember Cleo was Republican......I made his scream and cuss a few times also!!!
 

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