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A couple cute Spike Van Cleve stories

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Soapweed

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These are from Spike Van Cleve's book, A DAY LATE AND A DOLLAR SHORT.

Back in the old days a man who had an eating establishment over on the Musselshell got in a supply of toothpicks. Naturally, the more cultured of his patrons had used them before, but to a lot of the local gentry they were pretty much of a new fangled proposition, but nevertheless very popular. He also made a habit of charging salesmen and other outsiders four bits for a meal, and thirty-five cents for the local people. It happened one day that a whiskey drummer paid his fifty cents, tucked a half-dozen toothpicks in his vest pocket and left.

Behind him was an old kid from the head of the crick. As he paid his thirty-five cents he remarked, "I see now why you charge them fellers more'n us."

"Why so?" the proprietor asked idly.

"Why, heck, d'ya see all them toothpicks that man took? Me, now, I take jest one. Use 'er an' put 'er back. No darn wonder you made him pay more."

**********************

There was a man down by Big Timber who sure liked his booze. He didn't give a darn how good it was; just so long as there was plenty of it, so he favored the cheapest whiskey he could buy. One day in the liquor store a friend was surprised to see the man buy a fifth of Jim Beam. The latter cost quite a bit. His curiousity got the best of him so he inquired how come the old boy had switched--making a mental note to pay him a visit real soon. "It's th' square bottle," the drinking man explained.

"What the heck's that got to do with it?"

"If she tips over, she don't roll under th' bed. Hate to think how much time I've wasted tryin' to locate them darn round bottles that have rolled plumb over into th' corner. Man's got to get outa bed an' crawl under for 'em. Some of 'em even break. 'Druther pay more an' have it handy when I need it." Actually pretty sound thinking.
 
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Anonymous

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Pretty sound thinking is right...My wife gets tired of the toothpicks I keep stuck in my hatband and the color they turn after a few months- throws them away and I have to replace them next trip to the coffee shop...Keep telling her its a waste of good wood :wink: .....
 
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Anonymous

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I like the story about the toothbrushes he put in one of the books.

The visitor at a ranch or new employee or whoever saw his first toothbrushes, and told the people of the house that he tried them all, but liked the blue one best!

One time Wallace McCrae the poet told me that he was at a quarterhorse convention or something like that, and Spike was there. They were going around the room asking for everyone to stand and tell where they were from. Most of the old shy ranchers just looked down and quietly said their names. Spike however jumped up on top of the table he was seated at and said, "I'm by God Spike Van Cleave from Mellville Montana", and you could have heard a pin drop.
 

Soapweed

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Heard a good story about Waldo Haythorn. He was judging a Quarter Horse show somewhere, and one of the horses entered was not really what you would call "show quality". As Waldo walked along the line of equines, he sidled up to the old kid showing this particular steed, and commented, "I'll bet you would just fall over dead if I made your horse Grand Champion of the show, wouldn't you?"

The ol' kid kinda grinned and mumbled, "Yeah, probably."

Waldo said, "Well, young man, I just saved your life." :wink: :)
 

Bob M

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For awhile team penning was a fairly successful hobby. The hired man, my daughter and I developed our confidence when we won over 20 teams at the Gordon fair one fall. The Nebraska Stockgrowers sponsored the event with the playoffs down at Ogallala. Soapweed, Peach Blossom and I don't remember who also had gained ratinig having won a contest or two and were among the contestants. Don Roth is a great friend of the family and with quite a reputation as as team penner when he was the state brand inspector living in Turlock, California.

Waldo was there. Don and Waldo had traveled together to stock shows in their younger days, Waldo showing horses and Don showing Herefords. They were both very successful and knew all the terms of the show ring. We were standing in a group visitinig. Don's son joined in. Don introduced his son to Waldo. Dave stands a half a head taller than Don, wears a ten and a half gallon black hat and a Baxter Black mustache. Waldo sized Dave up and down, shook hands with him and turned to Don, saying "It looks like you outbred yourself"!
 

hometowngurl

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I have read that book, even got it on the shelf. Nice stories, but hubby don't have time to read, and wouldn't care fer the language in it. :roll: :roll: :lol: I might have to decipher fer him. :lol: :lol:
 

Jinglebob

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The year I was 16, I went down to Arthur, Neb to celebrate New Years with my brother and Sis in law who were working for Haythorns. The afternoon I got there, Brother, another feller who worked there and I were out in a big barn across from the main house. We seen a dust storm coming up the driveway and it pulled in front of the shop. Turned out to be a new pickup pulling a pretty new two horse trailer and the trailer was hopping up and down and swerving back and forth. When the dust settled we seen why. The back axle on the trailer had broke at the shackle and was slid partways back under the trailer!

An older feller got out of the pickup and turned to us and said, "This damn thing seems to be broken. One of you feller fix it, would you."

He then turned and walked to the house.

My brother looked at me and said, "That would be Waldo."

I was pretty impressed and decided that some day I wanted to be boss and when something got broke I could just take it to the hired men to fix instead of having to fix it myself.

So far I haven't achieved that yet! :wink:
 

katrina

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Waldo Haythorn always makes me smile. He use to judge the high school rodeo cutting. He knew who was riding a real cutting horse and those who were trained just to cut. I always scored very well with Waldo and I appreciated it. One girl only rode this one preticular horse at the cuttings, didn't own the horse or practise on it and she did vary well. I was always enviouse of her till I got old enough to know the differance.
 

Big Muddy rancher

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katrina said:
Waldo Haythorn always makes me smile. He use to judge the high school rodeo cutting. He knew who was riding a real cutting horse and those who were trained just to cut. I always scored very well with Waldo and I appreciated it. One girl only rode this one preticular horse at the cuttings, didn't own the horse or practise on it and she did vary well. I was always enviouse of her till I got old enough to know the differance.


So how old are you? And do you still know the difference? :gag: :cowboy: :help: :nod:
 

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