Snapping Turtle..
Jassy's picture of the snapper brought to mind a recent event here that will surely go down as a classic.
Our middle son, his girlfriend and a couple of their buddies broke out the canoe and got it wet a couple of weeks ago. I told them you guys are gonna have to carry it a lot cuz the river's too low already.
Nope, they said, there's lots of water yet, it's only April.
No matter, I said, cuz it's just plain dry. Don't go scrapin' over the rocks in my canoe.
Nope, they said, don't worry, there's lotsa water.
Well they put in a few miles up the road from town and planned to paddle those canoes back to town(his buddy brought one too) and sure nuf they didn't have to go far to find out the old man knew a bit about how no spring rains makes for a low river.
No Problem. They just get out at the shallows and portage a bit and put back in. That's why we wear old sneakers or sandals for canoeing - doesn't matter if we jump out and get'em wet.
Well not far from the shore they spied a big old snapper and when they offer it the end of a paddle it obliges by biting on and not letting go. I mean not letting go AT ALL and they drag it into the canoe where it lets go and hitches a ride.
So what do we do with a snapper in the canoe? They were thinkin' unpleasant thoughts about getting their toes nipped off. Sandals don't give much protection for your toes, y'know.
So they fenced it in to the middle of the canoe with the life jackets that weren't needed very badly anyway. Hard to float in only a foot or two of water so they might save your life from a snapper, right? Well, MAYBE!
Since my son was sitting in the back of the canoe, his buddy, Andrew, solemnly warned him to make sure their hitchhiker didn't crawl out of his "prison" and sneak up and bite him from behind.
Well as luck would have it, soon thereafter they had to get out and carry around another shallow spot. They bumped and struggled through the brushy bank and put in on the other side of the bare rocks.
Andrew, being up front, jumped in as soon as they hit deeper water with our boy pushing out a bit further before he jumps in back.
But Andrew barely gets his butt on the seat when he ROCKETS back out of the canoe with a blood curdling yell. Jonathan, he yells, you were supposed to watch my back so the turtle doesn't get me.
Here the turtle had wriggled forward through the "barricade" and as soon as Andrew sat down, the snapper reached or lunged up and bit him on the backside, leading to a rather hasty ejection of the unsuspecting rider.
And that was the end of the snapper's ride as well, he found himself deposited on the nearest piece of dry land. After that, they allowed no more hitchhikers and finished their ride without further incident.
When we finally regained control of our paroxysms of laughter after they told us the story, it was decided that, in keeping with some native traditions, such a momentous event called for a renaming of the hero, or in this case, "victim".
What a challenge, since the unique nature of the event and point of injury lent themselves to some interesting possibilities!
Like, really, how slow does one have to be to get bit in the butt by a turtle? How does one explain to the doctor the reason for the red mark in the shape of a turtle "beak"? He said there was no mark but wouldn't show us :roll: .
Turtlebutt? Fansnapperastic? Beakbutt?
Well we ended up with the rather lame name of "SnapperAndy". Not very descriptive, but it elicits the story every time. And here we thought the biggest danger was the low water!