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A Special Montana Borrowitz

iwannabeacowboy

Well-known member
MONTANA (A Special Borrowitz Report- you know, we allow liberals who can't think for themselves to borrow someone else's witz by cut and paste).

As the internet has continued to reach the inner depths of Montana, the country has become increasingly concerned. The number of less than intelligent post's has risen sharply along with verbal smack downs. Montanan's overwhelmingly supported a Congressional authorization of a $159 Billion dollar shovel ready study. The study is to assess if a study of these incidences is warranted. After securing enough funding to give key democratic supporters a 20% return on their investments in the Obama 2012 campaign, the remainder was utilized on hookers and alcohol for the university students conducting the study. Surprisingly enough, there was an overwhelming consensus that a full study was necessary.

Upon reaching this conclusion, a high school nerd in the midwest was contacted with specifics. Spending 15 minutes, he collected IP addresses of the most "smacked" individuals and composers of worthless information on 15 randomly chosen sites. He spent another 15 minutes analyzing data by geographic locations. Paying him minimum wage, the study will cost US tax payer's only $3.63. The President and Democratically controlled Senate provided statements for the Puppet Media heralding the judicious use of tax payer's money. They report that no federal study has ever provided this kind of data for the type of money spent. The President went on to promise the child that he will receive his check from the Treasury Department as soon as the 1% pays "their....fair....share...".

Nancy "Palooza" Pelosi flew out to the midwest on a tax payer funded jet with full minibar from Washington to show support to the high school nerd. Her staff followed 10 minutes later on a separate flight. She went on record stating that "school lunches were $2.50 and if the 1% would just stop being so selfish, this child could eat for 3 days and have cake as well". The local children after multiple years of Core Curriculum, did not catch the mathematical error. But her staff prepared with calculators for times such as this corrected the reporters when they misquoted her verbatim.

In the cool leading from behind Presidential style of Obama, one he apparently spent a substantial amount of time mastering in the Chicago Men's Club, he said that once he noticed Nancy flying out to meet with the boy, he felt that he should probably do the same. However, unlike when he was able to drop everything and fly to Louisiana 6 days after Hurricane Isaac, and after Mitt Romney, Obama said at this time, he was not running for re-election. He feels the need to make the most of his days in office and has the remainder of his days planned very tightly. He believes that if he is lucky and some national disaster does not occur, he can play the majority of the major golf courses before he has to give up Airforce 1. He hinted to a contingency plan in the event a national disaster does occur. He will play around the affected area until the local civilians can clean up the area and make it safe. He said that if necessary, he will even limit FEMA's hindrance to the clean up efforts. Some speculate that this could cut the effort in half in many instances.

The findings of the study by the high school nerd, concluded that Montana has become the epicenter for such wild and wacky postings. The nuts and bolts of the findings leads to more questions. Is it the lack of socialization of the sparse state, jealousy of the booming economy of neighboring states, or is the water really that bad in Montana?

An answer is expected in the coming future. President Obama has promised to "throttle" the surrounding booming energy fields any way possible. He firmly believes that the EPA will eventually throw out a claim that sticks regarding the evils of fracking. In addition, a multimillion dollar water system is being implemented in Montana that other states will be paying on for decades, killing two birds with one very, very expensive stone.

A new study to evaluate if a another study is appropriate is planned for just after the 2014 mid term elections. Though out of school for some time, Senator Menendez (D) New Jersy has shown specific interest in being involved with the study. He stated he is "looking for new adventures and tired of the same old, same holes in the Dominican Republic" after being there multiple times. After seeing the initial reports on Montana, he believes that is the place for him. Somewhere where people can say really stupid things and act like nothing happened.

:wink:
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Big Muddy rancher said:
That Borrowitz is a hoot. :wink: :lol: :lol:

I figured you would like it- it kind of rants and raves like a Tammy twin- or multi ID poster :wink: :p :lol:
 
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