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Application to date my daughters.

Silver

Well-known member
As a father of two girls, I think it only prudent to look out for their best interests. I worry about when the day comes they start dating, so I figure I better weed out the crop a little. I think this covers most of it, don't you?




APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ Grade Average_______
SOCIAL INSURANCE #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_______________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES___________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY ___________ Postal Code_____
Do you have both parents? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married_____________________________________
If less than your age, explain_______________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? _______________
A tattoo?_______________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? __________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
Church you attend ______________________________________________________
How often you attend ___________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
Father? _____________
Mother? _____________
Pastor? _____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
_____________________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
_____________________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
_____________________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
_____________________________________________________________________
What do you want to do IF you grow up?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED-HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since
you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by 2 gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back)
 

cowsense

Well-known member
Silver; I sure hope you don't have a copyright on the document because I think Northern Rancher's printer has been running non stop since you posted this :!: :lol: :lol: :lol: :p :wink:
 

Northern Rancher

Well-known member
I just ask all prospective suitors if they are computers and need the information punched in-I made a deal with my oldest she can date all she wants-right after my funeral lol. Actually the one bf that's around a bit isn't a bad kid-haven't choked him yet anyways lol.
 

OldDog/NewTricks

Well-known member
I had one something like this handed to be by a mother Years and Years ago - The girk was 18 I was 23 - - Her mother would take us places and pick us up - as soon as "mom" was out the door SHE WAS ON ME.

My frist daughter came after only 7 months of marrage.

Save the Shot Guns and Printing Cost!

Parenting is A LOT more than RULES
It's Love, Talking, Listening and Education!
 

Judith

Well-known member
hey as far as you two being herd sires, your value has just increased! Those that produce a higher percentage of females are highly valued and sought after :)
 

TimH

Well-known member
I have 3 sons. All teenagers now. Always wanted a daughter that I could spoil rotten. Mama said NO MORE after the 3rd boy.
It looks like way too much fun tormenting these young fellas that show up to date your girls.
I envy you folks with daughters.
 

Soapweed

Well-known member
Sure wish I would have used that application when the young man came calling on our daughter. Better yet, I should have seen to it that he came up missing (wonder where he went?). He stole the best daughter that any parent could ever have had, and he won't let her even communicate with us. Yep, this application should have been shoved in front of his nose, and I should have seen to it that he filled it out and then hit the road. :mad:
 

ranchwife

Well-known member
Soapweed said:
Sure wish I would have used that application when the young man came calling on our daughter. Better yet, I should have seen to it that he came up missing (wonder where he went?). He stole the best daughter that any parent could ever have had, and he won't let her even communicate with us. Yep, this application should have been shoved in front of his nose, and I should have seen to it that he filled it out and then hit the road. :mad:

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: I hate the helpless feeling of knowing there is nothing i can do to help out a friend!! Wish I could do something soapweed!!
 

OldDog/NewTricks

Well-known member
Judith said:
hey as far as you two being herd sires, your value has just increased! Those that produce a higher percentage of females are highly valued and sought after :)

Makes one Think!
If I had been born a Bovine I be a Steer!

As a Heard Sire I have 3 daughters - only Two in Production as of this time - 5 Granddaughters – 1 grandson
I’ve been sold short all my life - Does that increase my Value?
 

Tap

Well-known member
Dang it Soapweed. For some reason I had forgotten about her (all of your) :( misfortune. Boy do I feel bad for you all. I know we all wish there was something we all could do for you. I would think with the broad array of people on this board, that someone would have experience with this. Have you exhausted all avenues, or are you just waiting to see if she will come around? IF they have brainwashed her then maybe that will not happen. Gosh, I hope not. I cannot even fathom this happening. My parents used to talk about this with me when I was younger. I am sure you were model parents, and if it can happen to you all it can happen to others. Heads up everyone. :mad:


I would pitch in on a PI if that would do any good.
 

Soapweed

Well-known member
Thanks for the kind words. Someday we will know why all this came about, but for now about all we can do is leave it in the hands of the Good Lord. She is of legal age, and seems to be there because she wants to be. About all we can do legally, is to have the local police force occasionally check on her to see if she is healthy and indeed there of her own free will and accord.

Back to the application for prospective suitors of daughters. Make those young fellers take the test, for real. It might weed out the idiots. :wink:
 

IL Rancher

Well-known member
I have that one, or one very muhc like it already printed out... Be meaning to frame it.. My daughter is only 3 but it seams like just last year she was 2 :shock: :lol: :D

I can't imagine what I am going to be like when she is a teenager.. Will know that I will get a lot of '"Not fairs" tossed at me, that much I can predict... I just pray that my kids are as good as my parents thought I was :lol:
 

andybob

Well-known member
The old saying about when your children reach their teens; with sons you worry,with daughters you pray!
The old shotgun behind the door always works.
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Mr Lilly will be very interested in this application - since Lil Lilly is 15....lol but he swears we won't need it for another 15 years or so...ya know, since she aint datin till she's at least 30..... :D
 
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