As a father of two girls, I think it only prudent to look out for their best interests. I worry about when the day comes they start dating, so I figure I better weed out the crop a little. I think this covers most of it, don't you?
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ Grade Average_______
SOCIAL INSURANCE #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_______________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES___________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY ___________ Postal Code_____
Do you have both parents? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married_____________________________________
If less than your age, explain_______________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? _______________
A tattoo?_______________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? __________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
Church you attend ______________________________________________________
How often you attend ___________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
Father? _____________
Mother? _____________
Pastor? _____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
_____________________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
_____________________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
_____________________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
_____________________________________________________________________
What do you want to do IF you grow up?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED-HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since
you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by 2 gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back)