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Bigotry

Mike

Well-known member
reader (the Second) said:
This is a perfectly innocent and honest question I have:

I have a friend who makes bigoted remarks about other races and ethnicities. Part of this is because of who this person is - background, life experience, and so on. The problem is that I don't know how to stop this because it reflects badly on this person. Others who hear the remarks think less of this person.

As a "liberal" and a Californian, my inclination is to just tell the person outright to quit it and it's not acceptable. However this goes back an entire lifetime and I think any ultimatum will not be successful and will just cause animosity. Have any of you had this experience and if so, how have you handled it?

You are acting like a typical liberal and Californian in trying to persuade this person into acting like you want him to act, and what you perceive to be "others" perceptions of him.

Tell him how you feel and maybe he will do what I would do............

tell you to take a hike up Mt. Hood.

Dr. Mike
 

jigs

Well-known member
is it that people think less of him, or is it you do not like what people think of you, because you are buddies with a crass racial ass???

sounds to me like you are more interested in how you are perceived.
 

Soapweed

Well-known member
reader (the Second) said:
This is a perfectly innocent and honest question I have:

I have a friend who makes bigoted remarks about other races and ethnicities. Part of this is because of who this person is - background, life experience, and so on. The problem is that I don't know how to stop this because it reflects badly on this person. Others who hear the remarks think less of this person.

As a "liberal" and a Californian, my inclination is to just tell the person outright to quit it and it's not acceptable. However this goes back an entire lifetime and I think any ultimatum will not be successful and will just cause animosity. Have any of you had this experience and if so, how have you handled it?

Just be up front and honest with this person, and tell them in a nice way what you think. A one-on-one situation is best, in other words don't tell them in front of the whole pack of bull sessionaires. :wink: :)

With a whole lifetime of feeling this way, this person will probably not change overnight. Remember the Aesop fable of the sun and the wind trying to determine who had the most power. Gentle heat is more powerful than a hard blow anytime.

Dr. Weed Soap
 

Texan

Well-known member
If you don't try something, you'll regret it. If you say something, it will quite likely piss him off, he still won't change, and you'll really regret it. You didn't say how old he is, but it's most likely that you won't change him if he's your age.

You just have to decide how good of a friend he is and weigh that against how uncomfortable it really makes you. If it really bothers you badly enough, tell him how you feel and that you think it would be better not to associate with him if he can't/won't change his ways.

Maybe when he sees how important it really is to you, that will give him the impetus to change. I guess a lot of it depends on how much he values your friendship/opinions.

I really think you're the loser no matter what you do. Good luck, though.
 

Econ101

Well-known member
Get a picture of your son's "current" girlfriend who fits the stereotype and show it to him. You are sure to get some reaction. Hopefully it is subtle enough to do the trick.

It might make him think twice. Then when he says it again, say, "I don't think "Charise" is that way at all."
 

Mrs.Greg

Well-known member
I'm not a liberal or from California...but I would tell them thats not acceptable to me,we have a friend that I guess was testing the water and tried this on us...greg and I made it CLEAR this is NOT how we think. We're still friends and its never been brought up again,although I do have to admit I don't respect that attitude in my friend AT ALL.
 

andybob

Well-known member
An annoying aspect is when people steriotype you according to your ethnic group, and so are themselves bigots by virtue of their attitude.
The people who really gall me are those who pick on the disabled; my two CP sons have been stoned, pushed off their bicycles and kicked, harassed in public on more occasions than I can remember and had family victimised for not having either aborted them or institutionalised them, these incidents origionate from both extremes of the political spectrum!
 

Econ101

Well-known member
andybob said:
An annoying aspect is when people steriotype you according to your ethnic group, and so are themselves bigots by virtue of their attitude.
The people who really gall me are those who pick on the disabled; my two CP sons have been stoned, pushed off their bicycles and kicked, harassed in public on more occasions than I can remember and had family victimised for not having either aborted them or institutionalised them, these incidents origionate from both extremes of the political spectrum!

andybob, that is one of the worst things I have read yet. Hitler had a solution for these instances, are we to follow his lead?
 

IL Rancher

Well-known member
I always worry about my neice.. The spinal cancer she had when she was just learning how to walk basically followed by the chemo really, really, really messed up her growrth plates and joints to the point that her legs are just messed up. They have had to break them and she has had to have surgery on them and her back to the point where she really can't bear much weight on those legs.. I have heard things out of the corner of my ear and noticed staring when we go out in public because she has to use "sticks" to walk...

Been trying to set up a place out here for her to horseback ride as she used to really like that but the local area shut down.. Most folks won't let her on because of the insurance problems... Finally found one, hope to take her there this summer when they come out and visit..

As far as your bigotted friend R2. It is tough... The older a person gets the more set in their ways they are and it will be tough for them to change their ways even if they want too. Old habits are tough to break. Sometimes I wish people would realize that there are generational, geographical and social bounderies when it comes to what folks were tought and what we do now.. For example, want to tick of an Asian call them Oriental yet most folks out here would call them Oriental. I just wish people would stop looking for reasons to be offended (Not saying that this is the case with your R2, just thinking back to my 9 months rooming with an African American during the OJ trial... Oh god.. Bad flashback).



I have an uncle who doesn't have a mean bone in his body and has hired blacks, hispanics and anything you can imagine. But what he grew up calling black people he still uses. While it doesn't really affect me one way or the other (Takes a lot to make me feel uncomforatable these days) my brother is a bit more PC than everyone else in the family as was his former girlfriend and she was just appalled.. Oh well, she got seriously offended by a lot of things in life and I am glad she is no longer part of the "family" as the one who became the sister in law is much more pleasent.... My Uncle is not going to change what he says, he is 70 years old. My grandmother is not going to stop asking where people are from "originially" (heaven forbid you be anything but WASP), he is 89 years old and one that could be safetly called a bigot even though I love her very much.
 

jigs

Well-known member
growing up in this area, we never saw blacks or orientals, so we grew up using bad terms for them. well one time a black guy was broke down with his truck, my cousin is the local mechanic, and I went with him to help him fix it. I was 10 or 11, a lot of help ! he is taking of the part and pops of with " who ever worked on this before is a fool, it is really nigger rigged"

I felt about two inches tall. the driver just ignored it.


but I still think it is funny, riding around the lake, and see a colored guy, and tell your buddies, " hey, look at the tan on that guy"

cracks me up every time!
 

Steve

Well-known member
The people who really gall me are those who pick on the disabled; my two CP sons have been stoned, pushed off their bicycles and kicked, harassed in public on more occasions than I can remember and had family victimised


they are the same ones who can't wait to use their grandmas' disabled tags to park by the store.....
 

aplusmnt

Well-known member
I would not be trying to change my friend. I would just handle it like I would any occasion someone says something I find insulting. Just each time he says something let him know you do not like him talking like that around you. That is how I handle things when someone is using improper language around my family friend or stranger.

But then be prepared for the chips to fall where they might. You could get told off, told Ok, Punched, loose your friend etc..... You have to decide what is so bad it would be worth the end result.

But changing a person I would not put as my responsibility.
 

aplusmnt

Well-known member
jigs said:
he is taking of the part and pops of with " who ever worked on this before is a fool, it is really nigger rigged"

I felt about two inches tall. the driver just ignored it.

When I was 18 and in College I was complaining to a friend about my dads truck that broke down on way to school due to some Jimmy Rigging (new way of saying it, hope Jimmy does not get upset :lol: ).

When I looked behind me there was a black student standing in line behind me. When we made eye contact it was really embarrassing. Bad thing is he was the nicest black person I ever met. He was the only black Ag Major in the whole school. No stereotype of the race fit him at all.

Never used that term since then. Hard to shake it because of years of hearing it with out ever thinking twice about it.
 

Cal

Well-known member
Work Hard and Study Hard said:
R2 don't paint this fellow with a broad brush. He's probably still miffed about the midterm elections.
Why would Senator Byrd be miffed about the midterms?
 

nonothing

Well-known member
I do think there is a difference in bigotry and old school thinking....To truly be a bigot one must hate those races or at least consider them less important then their own.....I do think using terms to call down others at time can be a non bigots tool also....Take for instance myself..I have called jigs names such as slack jaw or hillbilly...I am not proud of the fact I did this,but why am i any better or feel it ok to call him such derogatory names,but then defend another because it was about skin color...Not to say i condon either,cause i was wrong for my name calling,but the point is this when is it to far?......It is a politically correct society but you still hear phrases used today that are based on a negative racial past ..."Caught red handed....Keep your cotton picking hand off that.....This guy jewed me down ten dollars.....Paddy wagon"....All theses saying's are based upon race comments from the past......No one ever complains about them ...My point is this....is her friend a bigot or feels all people talk like they do regarding race....If the latter is true explaining to them how you feel may work.....but if they really are a true bigot,accept them for that and move on ..or if you cant accept them that way ....just move on....you cant change hate no matter how hard you try .....Hate is the opposite of love and just as strong
 
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