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Bush's last days

VanC

Well-known member
Bush Finally Reads Job Description
July 9, 2008

Washington - President Bush said he was “shocked” by the expectations of a United States president as outlined in the position’s job description. Bush read the job description for the first time after finding it under his desk in the Oval Office. The document was apparently under the desk for Bush’s entire time in office, since being handed to him by former President Clinton during the transition between the two administrations.

“There’s lots and lots of interesting stuff in there,” Bush said, reading from the description, which is taken from Article II of the Constitution of the United States. “I mean, this part here about, ‘he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed,’ stuff like that. Really interesting. Stuff I never would have thought of doing.”

Other points of interest for the President had to do with dealings with foreign countries. “It says I have the power to make treaties with other countries,” Bush noted. “Not that I’d want to do that, but it’s interesting to think I have that power. It’s really neat that they invested so much in the president. I like it.”

Mr. Bush said he would plan to make some changes in the way he goes about his job, but with such a short time left in office, there isn’t much he can do. “If I had longer, I would probably make some adjustments,” Bush said. “But you know, at this point, it’s not much use. I think I’ll just chalk this up to a learning experience: next time I’m president, I’ll read the job description beforehand, not wait till right before I leave office.”

Bush Asks to Be Graded on a Curve
December 17, 2008

Washington - President Bush addressed the nation tonight to ask that history, and the American people, judge him “on a curve, to make things fair.” Mr. Bush’s address was seen on all three major networks, and included an acknowledgment that, “Many people see my presidency as being less than fantastic.” This comes just days after an Iraqi journalist hurled his shoes at Mr. Bush during a joint press conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Al-Maliki.

In the address, Mr. Bush made his case for why he thinks his presidency should be judged on a curve. “In college, professors will sometimes grade a test based on a curve, often when the material is deemed to be too difficult, and the overall scores are very low,” Mr. Bush said, reading from prepared remarks. “Well, I urge you to see the presidency of the United States as the hardest test there is, especially for me, and realize that the scores I am to be given can only really be fair and reasonable when weighted properly. Therefore, I am asking to be graded on a curve.

“Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that we agree that it’s nearly impossible to get an A grade as a president. Maybe Washington, Lincoln, and a few others have done it, but let’s face it - I’m no Lincoln or Washington. Heck, I might not even be a Ford. So, in this case, the curve that might be applied would acknowledge that fact, and would make a B or a C grade what the A grade would have been. That’s basically how the curve works - what would have been a B or a C is now an A, and then the grades below that are judged relative to that ‘new A,’ so to speak. I…” Mr. Bush paused for a moment. “Whoa. I think my brain might’ve just flipped over and hung upside down for a few seconds. Anyway, so once you adjust the grade I might receive to that curve, a poor grade like a D or an F would become more like a C. And that’s really all I’ve ever asked for, is a C grade. You can ask anybody.”

Mr. Bush said he was not asking for an immediate decision on the matter. “Take some time, think about it,” he said. “Talk it over with your family, your friends. But when it comes time to grade me, you might think the way those college professors do, and grade relative to the difficulty of the exam, and the overall performance of the class. In this case, I’m the only one in the class, so the class did really poorly.”

Bush Wakes From ‘Crazy Dream’ Where He Was President For Seven and a Half Years
June 12, 2008

Washington - President Bush said he woke up this morning after having “this wild, crazy dream” where he was President of the United States for the last seven and a half years.

“It was so weird,” Mr. Bush said during an interview with a German newspaper, to be published next week. “I had all these people following me around, reporters, security guys–I guess, Secret Service or what have you. A bunch of people. I was meeting with foreign leaders, making big decisions. It was great. But it was wild. I mean, me - the President. You know? I mean, it’s just wild. To even think about that.”

The reporter attempted to point out to Mr. Bush that he has actually been the president, and that the fact that he had a dream about it didn’t mean it wasn’t true. “Oh, okay. Yeah,” Mr. Bush replied, smiling. “Right. I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to get me to go along, pull my leg as much as you can. Get me to go… Yeah. No, you’re good. You’re good. But, no. I know what’s real and what’s a dream, and this was most certainly a dream. A dream is something that could never happen in reality. And this is one of those things. I mean, have you seen my resume? I don’t see how a guy like me gets to be president. At least, not in this lifetime. But, no, it’s great to be able to dream about it. That’s what great about dreams. Anything’s possible in dreams. I love when I have those ones where I’m really tall. Because I’m not tall in real life. I love those.”

Bush Unlikely to Get White House Security Deposit Back
October 20, 2008

Washington - President Bush said he was “very disappointed” to learn that he will likely not be receiving any of the $3,000 security deposit he put down when he took over the White House in January of 2001. Mr. Bush said he had not expected to have the entire amount of the deposit returned, but was shocked to learn he would likely be receiving nothing at all.

Charles Lee, a spokesman for Anyuan Real Estate, the Chinese company which now owns the White House and leases it to the U.S. government, said the company could not return Mr. Bush’s deposit due in part to crayon drawings on several of the walls, most notably in the Oval Office.

“We found several drawings throughout the White House,” Mr. Lee told reporters. “Some were offensive, such as the many middle fingers on walls in various rooms. We found a half-eaten roast beef sandwich shoved into a hallway radiator, and damage to the springs and the base of the president’s bed in the Master Bedroom, apparently the result of someone jumping on it repeatedly. There was even a cartoon penis drawn on the wall in one of the bathrooms. As a result, it looks highly unlikely at this time that we will be able to return the deposit Mr. Bush gave us when we took over ownership in 2006.”

Sources say Mr. Bush would have received at least a portion of the $3,000, perhaps as much as $1,500, until an inspection last week revealed wads of bubble gum underneath nearly every desk in the White House.

“Okay, let me ask you this,” Mr. Bush said. “I’m chewing gum, right? Bubble gum. I’m blowing bubbles, enjoying myself. Well, Mary comes on the line and tells me I have a meeting with Pervez Musharraf in 5 minutes. So I keep chewing, figuring I have a good four minutes before I have to throw it out. Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I don’t get involved in whatever I’m reading, and that door opens and in walks Musharraf. Now, you’re me. What would you do? I’ll tell you what you do. You surreptitially take that gum out and put it under the desk. It’s your only choice. Otherwise you’re blowing bubbles in the President of Pakistan’s face. And trust me, he doesn’t like bubble gum.”

As for the drawings on the walls, Mr. Bush pointed out that he wasn’t drawing random pictures. “These were things related to the core issues of the day,” Mr. Bush said. “Pertinent things. They were maps of Iraq, budgets, names of leaders with little drawings of their faces, so I’d remember. Things like that. All right, there were a few middle fingers here and there. But come on. How funny is a middle finger? It’s the funniest thing in the world. You can’t resist it. No one can.”

Bush Asks Obama if He Can Keep “Some of the Really Good Pens”
November 5, 2008

Washington - President Bush reportedly called President-elect Barack Obama today to ask if he would mind if Mr. Bush took “some of the really good pens - the nice, heavy ones, with the White House seal.” Mr. Bush told Senator Obama that he knows the tradition is for the pens to stay in the Oval Office for the next president, but Mr. Bush was hoping Mr. Obama would make an exception.

“I just tried to appeal to his generous side,” Mr. Bush told reporters following the phone call to Senator Obama. “And he was very generous. He told me I could take as many as I want. I mean, that’s awfully nice of him, but he might change his mind when he sees these pens. They’re absolutely fantastic. They probably write awfully good, too. I haven’t tried writing with them.”
 

fff

Well-known member
These would be funny, Van, if it wasn't so sad. I sat this morning and watched a wrap up of the problems that the new president will face when he takes the oath of office. Then I compared that to what George W. Bush was looking at when he took office. :( :mad:

I see that Jeb Bush has decided that the time wasn't right for him to run for the US Senate. :roll: Probably a good move on his part.
 
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