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Characters

Tap

Well-known member
I am just watching heifers and enjoying life today around here, and I got to thinking that "characters" that we all know would be a good topic. I love to hear good stories anytime, and I know others do to. So how about some stories about people in your areas, or even about yourselves, heck we all won't know who you are talking about.

I will tell about a local guy that Liberty Belle has made scant reference to. I don't know if they are all true or not, but knowing the guy, I tend to believe they are. If not, they should be. :wink:

Some background first.

This feller is now in his mid to later 40's, but describing him to people, they think he is older. He never really has grasped a lot of modern technology, but he is a pretty sharp knife at the same time. He is a master with words, and tells a great story. He has been the sort of a guy that if he needs to go somewhere he is never in any hurry to get to or from anywhere. So he uses a horse or two as one of the modes of transportation. Back when he was a younger man he went to college (I think) up in Glendive MT. And he rode his horses up there at least part of the time. This once he was in a bar of sorts and there was lots of loud music and dancing and what not, and the cops came in and broke up the party. They says, "whoever has those two horses tied up in front of the bar needs to get 'em the hell out of here now". This local guy looks up from his cardgame and nonchelantly says, as if there were horses tied up all over the place, "Is one a Bay and the other a Buckskin?" :lol:

Then more recently there were still some horses that turned wild that ranged up in the hills just west of us. The local guy decides that it should be his mission to gather these horses, by himself. It got to be kind of fall weather and damn cold at night, so he was sleeping in his bedroll in a neighors front porch. He had earlier prepared some baggies with a stew concoction he made at home. The guy whos house he was staying at asked him if he wanted to eat some breakfast with them before he set out for the days work. The "character" says, "naw, I fixed up some armpit stew at home, and I think I will just feast on that when I get hungry. It seems that when his bellybutton started rubbing on his backbone, that he would take one of these baggies with stew in it, and put it under his armpit till it got warm enough to eat. :roll: Hence "armpit stew".

I have a few more I may add later, but I would really like to hear about other origional characters in your areas.
 

theHiredMansWife

Well-known member
Characters are ageless...

Brian.
Brian was my husband's sidekick on the buffalo ranch we used to live on. Technically he was my husband's hired man, but everyone referred to him as his sidekick. Not exactly Batman and Robin, they were more like Rocky and Bullwinkle.
Brian has about seven stories and they all involve him doing something hairbrained. And most of them have some nugget of truth to them. But they all change with each retelling.

My favorite is one that I actually remember (which means as good as his retellings are, I remember the original. lol).

At (then) 19, Brian was invincible and came up with really dumb ideas and made them seem reasonable. He had long since talked the lesser half into trying to rope a buffalo. Just to say they had. They tried in the pickup one time... the lesser half driving, Brian trying the throw the loop, but that just didn't really work. Buffalo are surprisingly un-stupid. :roll:

But one winter day they were out on four wheelers checking water when they saw this old, half-blind cow. Brian decided here was his chance!

He had this piece of twine holding his coat together because his zipper had blown. He decided that would be perfect for turning the four-wheeler into a foot throttle. Tie it around the hand grip and make a loop for his foot to operate it. Great idea.
he shook out his loop, the lesser half got set to haze her and off they went.

Tearing off across the pasture, Brian twirling, his "foot pedal" working great... Coming up on the cow he got set to throw and hit a low spot.
About the same time he let his rope go, he realized the twine had eaten into the rubber of the handgrip. Off he raced over the knoll, knowing he couldn't jump off because he was tied on. And about that time realizing he had just run over top of the end of his rope.
The 4wheeler got tangled and the whole mess launched ass over teakettle.

He decided roping a buffalo was just a plain stupid idea. The new goal was to tag a buffalo calf. :wink:
 
Tap-
The does "character" you mentioned have a real name or does he go by a nickname. The guy you talked about sounds like a fella my uncle taught at the college in Glendive and went by the name of Coondog. What a hoot the guy is from what I remember. One time my uncle was driving out to check cattle and he came upon Coondog out on the prarie near some train tracks frantically working on a cow that had been rear ended by a train. As my uncle got closer to the scene he could tell that the cow was not a recent train kill judging by the way her hind legs were spread apart. As he got out of the pickup wondering what on earth was going on Coondog shouted "Grab a knife and wade in. She'll be some good eatin'!" Maybe roadkill is the secret ingredient to armpit stew! :)
 

Tap

Well-known member
You nailed it Thunder Butte. That sounds exactly like him. He eats porcupine, or about anything, and it is rumored that they don't have to be real fresh, as you pointed out. I know a lot of stories about this guy.

One time the sale barn fieldman stopped at Coondog's as it was late in the afternoon and he hadn't eaten all day. There was something in the pot, and Coondog skimmed about an inch of fat off it before he warmed it up. The fieldman asked what it was, as it smelled kinda funny. Turns out it was porcupine stew. Can't remember if he helped himself or not.

Coondog was the head security gaurd for the notorious Buffalo Chip Campground in Sturgis for several years. I guess he sat on the edge of the concert stage with a sawed off shotgun and no one tried much funny business. That was in earlier years. He rode horseback cross country to that too.

I forgot to mention earlier that it is probably at least 150 miles up to Glendive. And maybe 80 to Sturgis. He tended bar off and on for several years too. He comes up with the dangest things to try once in a while. Lots of ideas. :shock: :lol:

My dad got mixed up and called him Hounddog one time. Coondog says, "that's all right, probably been that too". That was good for a big laugh.
 

HAY MAKER

Well-known member
In far south Texas ,there are people called “curanderos”I know an old man named Aleman that is a fair curandero,full time barber and part time cattle man,and fair story teller I make it a point to visit his shop when in Laredo, get a hair cut talk weather & cattle with him and listen to his stories about the locals and the Rio Grande,one of the stories goes like this here......................
Once a caballero was married to a beautiful woman who lived in nuevo leon. The couple was very much in love, but the man insisted that they were too poor to have any children. When he found out his wife was pregnant, the man was very angry. He told the woman they could not keep the child. After the birth of his son, the man drowned the child in the Rio Grande. His wife, too weak from giving birth to get up from the bed, pleaded in vain with her husband to spare the life of her child.
Several more sons were born to the couple, and the poor man drowned every one. The day the poor man took his fifth child to the river, his wife followed even though she was still weak and bleeding from giving birth. When he threw the child in the river, the woman went in after her son, determined to save the boy even though she did not know how to swim. The woman and her baby were swept away by the current and they both drowned.
The very next night, the woman's spirit returned to the river beside her home, wailing and searching for the sons she had lost.
Night after night, the woman returned to the river, wailing and crying for the babies she lost, old Aleman says he has heard her many times as he walks along the banks of the Rio Grande at nite to visit the sick and practice his medicine,it’s rumored the woman has haunted the banks of the Rio Grande many years always looking for her babies....................good luck
 

Tap

Well-known member
You ought to put some of these stories of yours together Haymaker. That was very interesting and well written.

Thanks to you and TheHiredMansWife for sharing.

HiredMansWife, I think I have that buffalo ranch figured out that you mentioned. It is over east of us about 150 miles, if I have the right one. Some nice productive country over there.
 

Tap

Well-known member
Another local character (who I really don't know except by reputation), is a throwback to an earlier time.

Homer was a sheepman all his life (explains part of it :wink: ). He has a real high loud voice, that can be heard from WAY across the room. One year he was telling his neighbor that he waited all spring for his sheep to start lambing, but never did get any lambs. The neighbor to him asked if he remembered to put his bucks in last fall. Homer said, "damnit, knew there was something I was forgetting to do last fall". :? :lol:

He lived on the gumbo, and never had a well for drinking water, to my knowledge anyway. When company would come (which was very seldom) he would head out to the dugout near his house and dip a pot full of mossy old water. Then he might strain the waterbugs with a dishtowel, and put some coffee in it to boil. Didn't take much of that to get full of coffee I bet.
 

Faster horses

Well-known member
We had a neighor in the past that had a lot of cats. On the porch hung a sign that said, "BEWARE OF THE CAT". Their big old tomcat used to lay up on top of the refrigerator. On this particular day the lady of the house was cooking for the crew and she was stirring a great big pan full of gravy in an electric skillet on the counter by the refrigerator. The cat jumped down off the refrigerator and landed right in the gravy. The lady fished the cat out, took him outside and came back in. She went back to stirring the gravy and announced to all who saw the incident, "Oh well, what he touched stuck to him." :?
 

islander

Well-known member
Well Talk about roping things when my grandfather was around 16 or 17. He was working up around Lake Louise . Taking people in on pack trips back in to the mountains there. Well as the story goes a moose came into camp and what do you think those boys did? :lol: Well roped it of course and tied it to the porch :lol: which it promptly ripped off the cabin. We have a lot of great stories from growing up. In the summer we would go to my grandpa's ranch for a holiday. It seems that is where a lot of the laughs were to be had. We had a thunder and lightning storm start in the afternoon there what a day. My brother was in the outhouse when all the horses came running in . So he pops the door open to see whats going on and one of the horses kicked the door off leaving him sitting there with no door and pants around his ankles. :oops: Here a good one my Uncle he's milking the cow and ask's the boys do you know where chocolate milk comes from? Well no they say . Uncle says well brown cows of course come and see. :lol: As soon as they were close enough they got a shot of that milk
 

Tap

Well-known member
Soapweed, Jinglebob, don't be stingy with your stories. :wink: I know you two and others know lots of them.
 

Tap

Well-known member
Back when we were running a few sheep, in the mid 90's, it was shearing day and I was getting dinner on the table. The shearers has been trailing thru the kitchen on their way to the dining room table. I was standing by the edge of the counter cutting the roast, when oops, I dropped the whole roast right on the floor where they had been walking thru.

They must not have cared, or were real hungry, as everyone ate. :wink:

Better than cats feet, yuck!
 

Soapweed

Well-known member
Tap said:
Back when we were running a few sheep, in the mid 90's, it was shearing day and I was getting dinner on the table. The shearers has been trailing thru the kitchen on their way to the dining room table. I was standing by the edge of the counter cutting the roast, when oops, I dropped the whole roast right on the floor where they had been walking thru.

They must not have cared, or were real hungry, as everyone ate. :wink:

Better than cats feet, yuck!

I heard of a deal like that one time, where this young boy was carrying in the Thanksgiving turkey for an eagerly awaiting table full of guests. He dropped the platter upside down on the floor as everyone watched. His mother said, "That's okay, son, pick it up, take it back out to the kitchen and bring in the other turkey." :wink:
 

Mike

Well-known member
My Dad tells the story of when he was about the age to start to school back in the early thirties and the preacher came to eat "Sunday Dinner" with the family after church.
Just after the preacher gave thanks and everyone was heaping their plates, (the children were last to be served) and the preacher was about to commence eating, a big ole red rooster flew in the window (no glass - shutter was wide open), landed in the preacher's plate and proceeded to relieve himself.
Dad says his mother was real cool about it, acted immediately, grabbed the rooster around the neck, threw him out the window while ringing his neck and very deftly swapped the preachers plate for my Dad's clean empty plate in one quick smooth motion.

She then spooned the stool sample from the peas on what was now Dad's plate and smiled like nothing had ever happened.

Children were to be seen and not heard then.

Amen. Let's eat.
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Kids were always served first at grandma's house as I was growin up. Mom's would fix plates for the younger kids and the others fixed their own, then were sent to the Utility room where there was another table that we ate at. maybe there deal was, "kids were not to be heard or seen?" LOL

(course with 38 grandkids I can see why now)
 

theHiredMansWife

Well-known member
Faster horses said:
"Oh well, what he touched stuck to him." :?
Which makes me think of my grand-pa in law... A definate character.

I think it was the second year the lesser half and I were dating, he took me up to Rapid City Stock Show and we stayed with his grandpa. For breakfast he fixed us pancakes and eggs. He's a perfectly good cook, so I didn't think anything of it until I noticed my syrup was moving.
Closer inspection revealed I had ants on my plate. In February. In SD. My brain was still trying to figure out where they had come from this time of year when my "boyfriend" pointed to the bottle. It had a multitude of ants in it. Happily wintering in a warm cupboard in a bottle full of sugar.

"Grampa? Your syrup has ants in it."

"Well they're small, they ain't gonna eat much!"

And when we were done eating, he proceeded to put that syrup bottle, ants and all, right back into the cupboard. :wink:
 

theHiredMansWife

Well-known member
Another one from grandpa--


Grandpa had an ancient International pickup when my husband was a kid that he used for chores. It started life as some shade of green, but by the time my husband knew it, it had been painted red. With a paintbrush. But that had been about 15 years before, so it was more of a faded pink, with streaks of red and some of the original green glowing through.

What's significant about this pickup is the day Grandpa decided he needed a new seat cover. He'd recently had an old cow die, so he skinned her out and slapped the hide on the seat. Fresh from the cow. Between the stink and the bugs, no one rode with Grandpa for a year or so until his hide cured. :lol:
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
When my brother brought his g/f (now wife) home to eat with the folks the first time, steak and all the fixins that go with it. We were all sittin there, cuttin up our steak, gettin our plates fixed etc......Well my sister in law had her plate done except for ketchup. She asked for someone to please pass it, and then proceeded puttin some on her plate. That was back before the flip top squeeze bottles.....this was a glass bottle with the screw on lid........after gittin her dose of ketchup on her plate, without battin an eye she licked the top of the bottle and put the lid back on.
Well........mama had seen her do it, and was sittin there in shock :shock: not knowin what to do, or if she should say anything. My brother had also seen her do it, and turned to see the :shock: look on mom's face. He then doubled his fist up and banged the table and said, " I TOLD YOU TO LICK THAT KETCHUP BOTTLE BEFORE YOU PUT THAT LID BACK ON!!!!" Sis n law didn't realize she'd done anything wrong, or to say the least different. But that was somethin that just didnt fly at our house.
Ya didnt drink outta the milk jug (yeap jug...glass gallon jug) and in later years the paper cartons....ya didnt do it.....mama'd whoop yer butt fer that.
But still to this day, my sis n law licks her own ketchup bottle, and I just can't bring myself to use it. Uhgggg gross!!!
 

Jinglebob

Well-known member
Kemp Gentry came to this country in the early days. Traded horse, hogs and about anything else, you'd trade. He came from Tennessee and would go back with a train car load of horses, once a year. When he came home, he'd have at least one new coon dog and some white lightning. He and May never had children, so they just kind of adopted all of the neighbor kids. Every guy in this country had a coon hunting story to tell, at one time. He died about the time I came here, so all I've got is Dad and Mom's stories about him.
Dad and Kemp had been coon hunting one night and when they got home, it had started to snow and it was cold. Kemp told dad to put the dogs away and then come in the house to go to bed. The house just had one room and a porch. As dad walked in the door, kemp was just getting into bed. Everyone used lots of big heavy quilts in those days and as Kemp got into bed, he picked all the covers up and turned them end for end and laid them back down . As he was doing it he said, "May, give me some of them warm covers."

It used to make me mad that all the neat old characters had died before I got to know them. Then one day I realized that not only did I know some of the new ones, but I probably was one of them! :shock:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'll tell more Kemp tales later. Gott'a go get my taxes done! Wish me luck. :lol:
 
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