Brer W out foxes Brer Democrat and Brer Media
various news outlets | Sept 19, 2005 | Self
Posted on 09/19/2005 5:06:59 AM PDT by jmaroneps37
Brer W out foxes Brer Democrat and Brer Media (with apologies to Joel Chandler Harris)
One day Brer Democrat, Brer Media and their evil little brother Brer Moveon.org sat under a cherry blossom tree plotting to destroy Brer W. They hated him so much that they would do anything to bring him down. “We shall take control of the forest so that brother can marry brother and sister can marry sister. We shall take control of the forest and raise taxes on all the working brethren so we can spread the misery of being poor equally to everyone in the forest. After all, we live in two forests don’t we?” asked Brer Democrat.
“We shall take control of the forest by breaking and humiliating Brer W. We shall poison all the brethren against him and his troop.” Said Brer Media. In one voice they all shouted, “Brer W is a dumb frat boy. We will easily outsmart him.”
“We shall inflate every false accusation into a scandal. We shall ensnare Brer W in a web of lies and bring him down. Then we shall nail his tail to the highest tree in the forest.” Said Brer Media.
But no matter what snare or trap they set for Brer W, nothing stopped him. Everything they tried came back and slapped them down. After each attempt Brer W’s troop only grew larger and their hatred grew deeper.
By and by a terrible storm came to the forest and Brer Democrat, Brer Media and their evil little brother Brer Moveon.org licked their lips in delight. “This is our chance to bring him down.” they shouted. Then they told lie after lie about how Brer W did not care about the brethren in the poorest part of the forest, the hardest hit by the storm. “I’ll make the brethren believe our lies this time!” bragged Brer Media.
By and by, after days of lies and half- truths, some of the brethren began to believe some of the lies and they turned on Brer W. Even the weak minded members of Brer W’s own troop began to bleat and cry, “Yes we agree, Brer W did not do enough to save those in the hardest hit part of the forest!”
Finally Brer W was forced to fire a top member of his troop and admit, “some mistakes were made by my administration.” Brer Democrat, BrerMedia and their evil little brother Moveon.org could hardly contain themselves. “We’ve got him now! At last we will be rid of that ‘dumb frat boy’ Brer W.” You see they had called Brer W ‘a dumb frat boy’ for so long that alas they had come to believe their own lie.
Things looked bleak for Brer W. He was forced to sit for an inquisition. They pressed and pressed and they got him to say that he had to ‘share some of the blame’ for the problems in saving the brethren in the hardest hit part of the forest.
At that, Brer Democrat, Brer Media and their evil little brother Brer Moveon.org danced on the paths of the forest. They were so overjoyed that none of them noticed that Brer W had not actually admitted to anything.
You see, Brer W never did say exactly what blame he was accepting. Blinded by hatred and jealousy, his enemies shrugged that off. All they cared about is that Brer W had admitted something like a mistake, so they had beaten him. “We’ll fill in what he’s guilty of when we get our investigation.” They all thought.
Brer Media pelted Brer W with questions hoping to embarrass him into resigning. An ugly troll-like creature that Brer Media only let out on special occasions spoke first. “Will you resign now that you have proved to the world that you are a war mongering homophobe?” Brer Media the troll cackled.
“What does that have to do with ..?”
Brer W could not finish his answer before Brer Media demanded: “Shut up and answer the question!”
“Isn’t it true that you are secretly on the board of directors of Money Bags Oil and Gas?” screeched Brer Media.
Not knowing how to answer such an insipid question, Brer W said nothing. “I’ll take your silence as a ‘Yes’. Did you get that on tape everybody?” Brer Media said over his shoulder.
“Now will you call for an investigation of your criminal handling of the storm relief effort?” Brer Media yelled; the veins in his neck beginning to pop.
Brer W. tried to answer, “Well we can have an in-house debriefing; see what went wrong, but also what went right then….” Again he was not allowed to answer.
“Don’t give us that crap about an in-house debriefing!” the mob shouted.
Then all of Brer Media’s troop stood up and chanted.
“When is the investigation starting?”
“When is the investigation starting?”
“When is the investigation starting?”
They were joined by the weakest members of Brer W’s own troop, lead by a brethren from the desert part of the forest.They all kept chanting. No one could hear anything above the din.
Brer W tried to reason with the mob. “Pleases brethren, can we do a simple review of our procedures? I’ll give you an outright apology. I’ll fire someone else, but please don’t force me to conduct an investigation, it will be like being thrown into a briar patch.”
“You make me sick!” Brer Moveon.org sneered. Foam was dripping from his mouth.
“Yeah we’ve got you right where we want you. You’d better believe we’ll be throwing you in the briar patch!” Brer Democrat said through evil curling lips.
Brer W sat silently, his eyes down cast.
He spoke in a calm yet halting voice. He pleaded with Brer Media’s mob. “Please don’t throw me into the investigation briar patch. Do what you will to me, anything, anything, but please don’t throw me in the investigation briar patch. Please, anything but the investigation briar patch. It will be bad for so many of the brethren.” Brer Media just laughed.
“Bad for many brethren, indeed!” Brer Democrat hissed.
Brer W. cowered and looked frightened as Brer Democrat announced their decision.
“Brer W we don’t want anymore of your mealy mouthed apologies. We want your tail nailed to the highest tree in the forest. We will give you the one thing you have begged us not to do, the thing you are most afraid of. We will conduct an investigation.”
Then Brer Moveon.org yelled. “We’ll see who it is bad for.”
The investigation went on for months and months because Brer Democrat kept pushing the chief counsel to go deeper and deeper in a futile effort to find ways to blame Brer W. Nothing worked. The more Brer Democrat dug, the more he proved it was his own troop that was at fault for the awful handling of efforts to aid the storm stricken brethren. There was no connection to be made because none existed from the start.
Not even all of Brer Media’s mob working overtime could wash the stink off of Brer Democrat’s troop. The more he talked, the sillier he looked. No one bought his version of the story.
Seeing how he was floundering, the loyal members of Brer W’s troop gave Brer Democrat a helping hand; all the rope he needed. They “helped” the hapless Brer Democrat dig his hole and drag the investigation out for months. By the time the three evil plotters finally understood what was happening to them it was too late. The loyal members of Brer W’s troop had given Brer Democrat the investigation he demaned, but not the results he longed for.
Brer W’s troop waited until the following October to release the findings of the investigation. When they did, it was just days before the next election. Their report was filled with stories of how incompetent and corrupt Brer Democrat’s troop was. When the brethren saw what frauds Brer Democrat’s troop was, they were angry. Their eyes opened to the truth, they vowed never to vote for Brer Democrat’s troop again.
Election night was a disaster for Brer Democrat and his troops. Throughout the forest he suffered losses no one could have imagined. Because of the investigation he himself had demanded, no one wanted to vote for him .
As things went from bad to worse on Election Night, Brer Democrat and his evil brothers realized Brer W was no ‘dumb frat boy’ after all. At the end of the day, it was their tails that were nailed to the highest tree in the forest.
Smoking a big cigar, Brer W smiled and said. “I pleaded with them not to throw me in the investigation briar patch. I told them it would be bad for many of the brethren. They didn’t listen.”
By and by there were two loud sounds heard in the forest that night: the laughter from Brer W’s tent and the moaning and wailing of Brer Democrat, Brer Media and their evil little brother Brer Moveon.org. Once again they had been out foxed by Brer W. He was no dumb frat boy after all.
