Hereford76
Well-known member
Cletus and Billy Bob
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through
a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease
in front of an old green John Deere.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently
slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move,
lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed
plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart
to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he
tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile
of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you
doing, Billy Bob?"
"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an
obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me'n the Ol' Lady been havin
trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do
'something sexy to a tractor'."
Dead Cow
First-year students at Texas A&M Vet school were attending their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body". For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid.."
Super bowl tickets
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through
a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease
in front of an old green John Deere.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently
slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move,
lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed
plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart
to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he
tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile
of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you
doing, Billy Bob?"
"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an
obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me'n the Ol' Lady been havin
trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do
'something sexy to a tractor'."
Dead Cow
First-year students at Texas A&M Vet school were attending their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body". For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid.."
Super bowl tickets
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."