OldDog/NewTricks
Well-known member
© 2000 John Phipps
I just Found This:
Cowboys Ain't Easy To Love
Willie Nelson was right. Although as a corn farmer, I am a big fan of cows - nature's best-tasting
and most spectacularly inefficient corn consumers - cowboys are another matter. Call it
professional jealousy if you want, or Pecos envy, but these guys are way too cool for my comfort.
Farmers and ranchers are lumped together in many minds, but have less in common than say,
mechanics and brain surgeons. At least the latter pair have similar fees. Despite seeming
similarities, farmers and cowboys share a planet and that's about it. Consider these eerie
comparisons and stark contrasts:
The Cowboy Way
• Horse named "Old Paint"
• Writes poetry.
• Plays guitar.
• When out on the town, dresses like:
cowboy.
• "Rawhide"
• Marlboro man (deceased)
• Stetson
• $1400 iguana skin boots
• Dodges armadillos
• Rodeo - "Man vs. Animal"
• Collects arrowheads
• "Howdy, ma'am"
• Remington's "Bronco Buster"
• Rolls cigarettes
• Barbeque
• Six-shooter in holster
• Texas Two-step
• Subsidized grazing
• Fancy belt buckles
• Falls asleep by the light of a campfire
• Favorite tool: lasso
• Sons of the Pioneers
• Rides off into the sunset
• Tall in the saddle
• "Riders of the Purple Sage"
• Cowgirls with tight jeans
The Farmer Life
• Truck named "Old Paintless"
• Recites limericks.
• Plays spoons.
• When out on the town dresses like:
cowboy.
• "Green Acres"
• Old MacDonald
• Seed corn hat
• $35 work shoes
• Aims for possums
• Tractor Pull - "Man vs. Decibel"
• Collects toy tractors
• "When’s lunch?”
• Wood's "American Gothic"
• Rolls hedges
• Sloppy Joe
• Pliers in holster
• Dakota Shuffle
• Subsidized crops
• Hidden belt buckles
• Falls asleep by the light of the News
• Favorite tool: "crescent hammer"
• Homer and Jethro
• Wants supper at sunset
• Short in the market
• "A Thousand Acres"
• Farmgirls with tight fathers
Mostly it is just a question of "cool". Cowboys are, and always have been. Furthermore, cowboys
are presumed to be of questionable character - the lovable rascals. Farmers, on the other hand are
expected to be sober, reliable, and humble, or in other words, too boring to live. Who would want
to watch a "Midwestern"?
Even as both professions evolve, the images endure. I have noticed that in a neutral setting, with no
visual clues, people are often surprised they didn't realize I was a farmer. When told, they speak
more slowly and slightly louder, especially women. With cowboys, however, they tend to titter
nervously, as if expecting an outlandishly manly incident at any second.
Meanwhile, cowboys are forsaking multiple-gallon headwear for NASCAR caps, kicking off the
boots for Nikes, and throwing the saddle in the back of the 4WD pickup. In short, they are merging
with their soil-tilling cousins, although loath to acknowledge it.
The ability to play the roles endures, albeit in a subset of the actual culture. Look for picture-perfect
cowboys at horse-addict events populated by buckeroo-wannabees who earn six-figures peddling
real estate in the ‘burbs. Likewise, the bibbed stereotypes of agriculture can often be located at
antique tractor shows - a hobby that requires leisure time and sums usually unavailable to actual
producers. Real farmers (and I suspect real cowboys) probably dress similarly – in whatever was in
the drawer that morning.
It could also be the environment. At least that’s what I blame my personal lack of charisma on. The
West has entire states full of spectacular scenery. My farm is most picturesque on a dark night. This
is because where I live we have only two dimensions – altitude is rationed. A man riding across
Montana looks rugged and heroic against the majestic background. A farmer walking across central
IL strikes you as a person who must be easily entertained.
I suppose we plowboys could morph into a simulation of cowboy coolness. All it would take is the
loss of a few dozen pounds, more tobacco and firearms, less marital fidelity, the ability to move
somewhat rhythmically, uncomfortable footwear, and a wife who wouldn’t slug you when called
“Li’l lady”.
Rules me out.
But V_Key says it Fits Me!
I just Found This:
Cowboys Ain't Easy To Love
Willie Nelson was right. Although as a corn farmer, I am a big fan of cows - nature's best-tasting
and most spectacularly inefficient corn consumers - cowboys are another matter. Call it
professional jealousy if you want, or Pecos envy, but these guys are way too cool for my comfort.
Farmers and ranchers are lumped together in many minds, but have less in common than say,
mechanics and brain surgeons. At least the latter pair have similar fees. Despite seeming
similarities, farmers and cowboys share a planet and that's about it. Consider these eerie
comparisons and stark contrasts:
The Cowboy Way
• Horse named "Old Paint"
• Writes poetry.
• Plays guitar.
• When out on the town, dresses like:
cowboy.
• "Rawhide"
• Marlboro man (deceased)
• Stetson
• $1400 iguana skin boots
• Dodges armadillos
• Rodeo - "Man vs. Animal"
• Collects arrowheads
• "Howdy, ma'am"
• Remington's "Bronco Buster"
• Rolls cigarettes
• Barbeque
• Six-shooter in holster
• Texas Two-step
• Subsidized grazing
• Fancy belt buckles
• Falls asleep by the light of a campfire
• Favorite tool: lasso
• Sons of the Pioneers
• Rides off into the sunset
• Tall in the saddle
• "Riders of the Purple Sage"
• Cowgirls with tight jeans
The Farmer Life
• Truck named "Old Paintless"
• Recites limericks.
• Plays spoons.
• When out on the town dresses like:
cowboy.
• "Green Acres"
• Old MacDonald
• Seed corn hat
• $35 work shoes
• Aims for possums
• Tractor Pull - "Man vs. Decibel"
• Collects toy tractors
• "When’s lunch?”
• Wood's "American Gothic"
• Rolls hedges
• Sloppy Joe
• Pliers in holster
• Dakota Shuffle
• Subsidized crops
• Hidden belt buckles
• Falls asleep by the light of the News
• Favorite tool: "crescent hammer"
• Homer and Jethro
• Wants supper at sunset
• Short in the market
• "A Thousand Acres"
• Farmgirls with tight fathers
Mostly it is just a question of "cool". Cowboys are, and always have been. Furthermore, cowboys
are presumed to be of questionable character - the lovable rascals. Farmers, on the other hand are
expected to be sober, reliable, and humble, or in other words, too boring to live. Who would want
to watch a "Midwestern"?
Even as both professions evolve, the images endure. I have noticed that in a neutral setting, with no
visual clues, people are often surprised they didn't realize I was a farmer. When told, they speak
more slowly and slightly louder, especially women. With cowboys, however, they tend to titter
nervously, as if expecting an outlandishly manly incident at any second.
Meanwhile, cowboys are forsaking multiple-gallon headwear for NASCAR caps, kicking off the
boots for Nikes, and throwing the saddle in the back of the 4WD pickup. In short, they are merging
with their soil-tilling cousins, although loath to acknowledge it.
The ability to play the roles endures, albeit in a subset of the actual culture. Look for picture-perfect
cowboys at horse-addict events populated by buckeroo-wannabees who earn six-figures peddling
real estate in the ‘burbs. Likewise, the bibbed stereotypes of agriculture can often be located at
antique tractor shows - a hobby that requires leisure time and sums usually unavailable to actual
producers. Real farmers (and I suspect real cowboys) probably dress similarly – in whatever was in
the drawer that morning.
It could also be the environment. At least that’s what I blame my personal lack of charisma on. The
West has entire states full of spectacular scenery. My farm is most picturesque on a dark night. This
is because where I live we have only two dimensions – altitude is rationed. A man riding across
Montana looks rugged and heroic against the majestic background. A farmer walking across central
IL strikes you as a person who must be easily entertained.
I suppose we plowboys could morph into a simulation of cowboy coolness. All it would take is the
loss of a few dozen pounds, more tobacco and firearms, less marital fidelity, the ability to move
somewhat rhythmically, uncomfortable footwear, and a wife who wouldn’t slug you when called
“Li’l lady”.
Rules me out.
But V_Key says it Fits Me!