peg4x4 said:
Sandhiller,you hit the nail on the head..all you can do is the best you can do,at the time..
One of the hardest things I had to do (at least I thought so at the time) was make one of the step sons turn his self in to the law. He had been involved with some small things, mostly sticky fingered stuff and it seemed to keep happening. One morning I noticed the trunk of his car was open and it was plum full of booze and cigerates. Figured that the way we had been trying to handle it wasn't working and we had to do plan B. He took the blame but several other kids were invloved as we suspected but didn't find out till later. After a chat with owner of the recently closed liquor store and with the sheriff and then the judge, he has turned out into a really good guy.
I wouldn't say I am really that strict, but when I tell them something, they know that I mean it. They gota make a few mistakes to get some common sense so it is best to let them make some small ones and try to keep the big ones in check.
I have on many ocassions observed kids that had overly strict parents, turn into the wildest ones around when they got out from under their parents control.
I beleive in not sparing the rod and they knew it. The step sons both got a spanking exactly one time and they always knew there was the possibilty it could happen again.
Most of the time I would just ask them if they wanted a MAD Dad and they seemed fairly sure they did not want a MAD Dad! My youngest one got in trouble with his mother once for coloring on the wall minutes after she chewed him out for doing it the first time. She gave him a good spanking and he laughed at her. That really made her mad. Told me I had to deal with him. I barely tapped his butt with the flyswatter and he acted like I killed him. Acted like I broke his heart! His mother couldn't beleive it! Found out later his brother kept telling him to color on the wall so he did!
I have always tried to be fair with them and the knew it. I have been there for them when they needed me. They knew I would help when they needed it, like 1am and I get a call that they are with freinds 3 hours from home and their car had died.
My own 2 sons really never were much trouble, couldn't have asked for better kids. Yeh sometimes they acted like teen ageers but not much gray hairs from them. That is untill the older one went to sleep at the wheel and we lost him, forever 18yrs old. He had already did more with his life than many adults ever do. If you haven't been through that, you could never begin to guess how hard that is. I cried evey day for the first year.
The younger one has had a few incidents but is a kid any parent could be proud of. good worker and hardly ever complains. sure gona miss him , he is already a junior in high school and it won't be long till he is off to college.
The younger step son got involved with a gal that has 4 kids and they were always getting away with about anything they wanted. If he tried to control them and he did try at first, his gal would put a stop to it. always did everything she could to keep them from getting in trouble for things they should have been in trouble for. last year all three of the boys ended up locked up. One of the boys actually told the judge that he was gona smoke weed and the judge wasn't gona stop him! I am fairly sure that he didn't do that during the months he was locked up!. Sounds like the jail time may have straghtened all three of them up considerable. At least I hope so, I was afraid that they was getting too old to ever straghten up.