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Doctor Office Funnies - Ranchwife....

katrina

Well-known member
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

--Dr. Mark M, San Antonio, TX



I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

--Dr. Matthew T, Worcester, MA



At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient remorsefully.

--Dr. Richard B, Seattle, WA



One day, I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a woman that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

--Dr. Susan S, Manitoba,
 

Red Robin

Well-known member
My wife and I have a friend who when the Dr. asked her "what color is your stool" she replied, "Pink". :shock: Which was the color of the fixtures in their bathroom. :lol:
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Red Robin said:
My wife and I have a friend who when the Dr. asked her "what color is your stool" she replied, "Pink". :shock: Which was the color of the fixtures in their bathroom. :lol:

Blonde female-eh.... :wink:
 

Red Robin

Well-known member
She's dark headed Old Timer. Must be some blond genetics from somewhere. Of course we were sensitive to her ignorance and tried to not make fun of her or anything. :lol:
 

katrina

Well-known member
Hey..... I would of answered the same way.... :wink: :wink: What women is not color coordinated especially in the bathroom.... :D 8) 8) And yes my stool is pink too........ :p :p :p :D :D :D
 

passin thru

Well-known member
I like the one about the guy that went to the dentist or doctor and didn't want any pain killer so they gave him the little blue pill. Didn't help with the pain, but did give him something to hang on to. :shock:
 

ranchwife

Well-known member
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I love to see the looks on patient's faces when a doctor tries to explain things to them in "doctor-speak"......afterward, I "ride to the rescue" and explain in plain english......had one cowboy (whom I happen to be just a little related to :shock: ) tell me that the doctor said he had "a small fracture in the thumb...so, it's NOT broke, just slightly fractured!!" :roll:
Have also had to explain that "void" means to "pee" and a "bowel movement" means "poop"......had our physician's assistant ask and elderly woman who presented with abdominal pain if she had "passed wind" lately...the little old lady giggled and said "sonny, I fart freely...that's not the problem!!" :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.

The nurse starts with certain basic items.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks.

"115," she says.

The nurse puts her on the scale.

It turns out her weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"5 foot 8," she says.

The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".

She then takes her blood pressure

And tells the woman it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" she screams,

"When I came in here I was tall and slender!

Now I'm short and fat!"
 

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