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Don't mess with old people

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OldDog/NewTricks

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A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food.
She picked up four cans and took them to the check-out counter.

The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants
proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said
"I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog."

So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there."

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like sh*t."

The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper."

So........... Don't mess with old people.
 

OldDog/NewTricks

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Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States,
wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait
for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the
distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There ' s raw bacon, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked
bacon . . . every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like
bacon. . . ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5
metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up,
and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his
dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo. . .. what ees it?”

"Pepe, . . . ees not a bacon tree. Ees

Ees


Ees


Ees


Ees a ham bush!!"
 

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