Rambo
Well-known member
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole ?
*I was at the golf store
comparing different kinds
of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type
I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached
by one of the good- looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if
he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him
and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."
*My sister and I were at the mall and passed
by a store that sold a variety of candy
and nuts. As we were looking at
the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed
any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never
let me forget.
*Have you ever asked your child
a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot
of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell
for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining
room. While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not
asked to go potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said, "No."
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child
has had an accident, and I don't
have any clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't
have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that
he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants, bent over
and spread his cheeks and yelled.
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to
death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and
sat down.
An old couple made me feel better
by thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!
*This had most of the state of
Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female
news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict
snow but don't get any?
A true story. We had a female
news anchor who, the day after
it was supposed to have snowed
and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8
inches
you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave
the set, but half the crew did too!
While on a flight from New York ,
the Stewardess was busy passing
out peanuts and cokes to everyone.
There were about sixteen flights
lined up waiting to get clearance
to take off.
Then the other Stewardess got a
message from the Pilot that the
tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in
line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up.
Without thinking she just announced
"Please buckle up, grab your drinks
and hold your nuts, we're taking off!".
No one saw her for the rest of the
flight to Houston , and all the other
Stewardesses were laughing
All the way and so were half of
the passengers.
Now, didn't that feel good ?
*I was at the golf store
comparing different kinds
of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type
I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached
by one of the good- looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if
he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him
and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."
*My sister and I were at the mall and passed
by a store that sold a variety of candy
and nuts. As we were looking at
the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed
any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never
let me forget.
*Have you ever asked your child
a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot
of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell
for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining
room. While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not
asked to go potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said, "No."
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child
has had an accident, and I don't
have any clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't
have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that
he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants, bent over
and spread his cheeks and yelled.
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to
death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and
sat down.
An old couple made me feel better
by thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!
*This had most of the state of
Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female
news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict
snow but don't get any?
A true story. We had a female
news anchor who, the day after
it was supposed to have snowed
and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8
inches
you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave
the set, but half the crew did too!
While on a flight from New York ,
the Stewardess was busy passing
out peanuts and cokes to everyone.
There were about sixteen flights
lined up waiting to get clearance
to take off.
Then the other Stewardess got a
message from the Pilot that the
tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in
line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up.
Without thinking she just announced
"Please buckle up, grab your drinks
and hold your nuts, we're taking off!".
No one saw her for the rest of the
flight to Houston , and all the other
Stewardesses were laughing
All the way and so were half of
the passengers.
Now, didn't that feel good ?
