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Ranchers.net

I'm over 60 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track
down
> > terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.
> >
> >
> >
> > They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending
18-year-olds
off
> > to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to
join
> > until you're at least 35.
> >
> >
> >
> > For starters:
> >
> > Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
> >
> >
> >
> > Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us
more
> > than
> > 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
> >
> > Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier
is
> > a
> > dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them
into
> > submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote
control?"
!
> >
> > An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to
war
> > until
> > you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on
the
> > other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35
and
a
> > jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do
wonders
> > for
> > the old beer belly.
> >
> > An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
> >
> >
> >
> > Old guys get up early every morning to pee.
> >
> > If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
probably
> > forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number
would
be
> > a
> > real brainteaser.
> >
> > Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to
getting
> > screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also
> > developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.
> >
> > *
> > *
> > We like them almost better than naps.
> >
> > They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in
combat
> > and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the
side,
> > nor
> > did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can
hear
the
> > Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er..one."
> >
> > And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen
anyone
> > outrun a bullet.
> >
> > An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still
learning to
> > shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants
without
the
> > top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out.
He's
> > still
> > hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and
that
> > a
> > 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an
> > eardrum.
> >
> > All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more
about
> > life
> > before sending them off to possible death.
> >
> > Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked
our
> > hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see
right
> > now
> > is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
> >
> > Share this with your senior friends.
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