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From the Student Doctor Network

Goodpasture

Well-known member
From the Student Doctor Network:

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985

A few examples:

Tonight I learned yet another helpful life lesson from one of my patients. If you're on the street corner selling coke and you see the cops coming to bust you don't eat all your coke. Having been taught this valuable lesson I will now know better than to do this and wind up going to the ER in handcuffs, seizing uncontrollably, aspirating my vomit and doing all of this with a white powder moustache looking like and ad for "Got Coke?"

#6 Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will somehow, work its way up your rectum.

2) Always wait until finishing your woodwork with the skillsaw prior to using your meth.

No matter how annoyed you are at being incarcerated dont slash open your scrotum and shove razor blades up your urethra. Now I know, who among us hasn't thought wistfully of doing that but it turns out that it's not a good idea.

Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.

If you have taken 7 home pregnancy tests that are all positive, and you come into the emergency department...chances are that test too will come back positive.

when the iv drug user with no veins comes in with cellulitis and gets a central line, tell the nurses to not let them "go out for a smoke". pt took off (obviously), brought back in to the E.D. 1 hr later in full arrest by girlfriend after shooting up on the street into central line with"the really good stuff"....

The Law of Inverse Value: the less you contribute to society, the greater the trauma you can sustain with minimal to no physical sequelae, including falls from 3 stories, stabbings (chest, neck, head, slashings to the face), gunshot wounds (chest, neck, pelvis, leg, traumatic arrest (only to be killed 7 years later in a separate GSW incident)), and high speed MVC's, unrestrained, where multiple people in the other vehicle are killed.

And one last one:

Drinking Pine Sol diluted in a 5 gallon bucket, shared with 5 friends, is not a good way to get drunk.
 

ranchwife

Well-known member
gonna have to show this to demodriver before she leaves in 2 weeks to start her pre-med!!! :cry: :cry:
I thought all the horror stories I had shared with her over the years may have deterred her in her quest to be a doc, but noooooo.....

thanks, patch adams!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
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