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Ranchers.net

DIL just sent me these.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up, " she purred, " and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."



Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is the husband.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. Can you read this?" The optician asked.
he Polish guy replied, "Well Yeah, I know him"


Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "
I must tell you all something.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God, said an elderly nun at the back.
"I'm tired of chardonnay."
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