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Getting along with the oppisite sex

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George

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We always hear "the rules" from the female side :?

Now here are the rules from the male side :D . These are our rules! :D

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Sunday sports; it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport. and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work! Just say it...

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. see a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days..

If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing'
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.



Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you're prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, you are going to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's your choice and I won't have to listen to your snoring.
 

jigs

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george, you might want to install a high tech security system......
 

George

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I can take the heat- - - What happened to Doc Harris -- - I thought he would have responded to this. I'm sure he would appriciate the posting on Attitude
 

nr

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LOL! to all except one:
Christopher Columbus' longitude measurement were wayyyy off.

"The problem is that both of Columbus's eclipse timing longitudes are off by much, much greater amounts than this. His 1494 longitude was recorded as 5 hours 23 minutes west of Cadiz; at the time, he was 4 hours 10 minutes west of Cadiz, so his error is an hour and 20 minutes. Columbus's error in 1504 is even worse: from Jamaica, he claimed a longitude of 7 hours 15 minutes west of Cadiz, while his actual longitude was 4 hours 45 minutes west of there -- an error of two and a half hours!t...."
Maybe he and other men should ask for directions. Even though it goes against their grain. How much would that really hurt? :?
 

Steve

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Maybe he and other men should ask for directions


Quoted from a sign at a local marina...

I have one of those GPS things that tells me exactly where I am, so there fore I am never "LOST", The only problem I have now is that it won't tell me where to go!!!!!!

They have another I really like:

You don't have to be SMART to be the CAPTAIN, You just have to own the boat........
 

nr

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George said:
I'm never lost- :eek: - - - I just go exploring :D :D :D

:lol: have to tell that one to hubby! But no- then that's the excuse he'll use next time! :mad:
 

DOC HARRIS

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George said:
I can take the heat- - - What happened to Doc Harris -- - I thought he would have responded to this. I'm sure he would appriciate the posting on Attitude
George - I have been in Southern California for almost two weeks! Just got back yesterday! You talk about ATTITUDE! Spend some time among the Overbearing, arrogant, tattooed, belly-buttoned, earing-ed, too-much-money-and-don't-know-what -to-do-with-it, rude, city-dwelling Twenty-somethings of the Los Angeles Area - - SHEESH!!!!!! But - - -I survived - and glad to be home!

Now, to return to the subject at hand - your epistle! Hah! I loved it - loved it. Don't know how one person could come up with such factual, truthful, logical, authoritative, imperious, masterful, exacting, scrupulous, and absolutely precise terms to guarantee a cracked skull and a bullet through the torturous recesses of the small intestine to become lodged in the Pedicle of the Fourth Lumbar Vertebrae thereby causing an irreversable trauma to the Prostate Gland - resulting in an immediate increased profit to the makers of Depends! Tell her you didn't really mean it, that you were just kidding and "- - - what ELSE can I do for you, Dear????" :lol: :lol:

Let me know if YOU survive! :(

DOC HARRIS
 

nr

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DOC HARRIS said:
[- loved it. Don't know how one person could come up with such factual, truthful, logical, authoritative, imperious, masterful, exacting, scrupulous, and absolutely precise terms to guarantee a cracked skull and a bullet through the torturous recesses of the small intestine to become lodged in the Pedicle of the Fourth Lumbar Vertebrae thereby causing an irreversable trauma to the Prostate Gland - resulting in an immediate increased profit to the makers of Depends! Tell her you didn't really mean it, that you were just kidding and "- - - what ELSE can I do for you, Dear????" :lol: :lol:

Let me know if YOU survive! :(

DOC HARRIS

DOC- you gotta stop reading Roget's Thesaurus before its too late :D :!: :wink:
 

DOC HARRIS

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nr said:
DOC HARRIS said:
[- loved it. Don't know how one person could come up with such factual, truthful, logical, authoritative, imperious, masterful, exacting, scrupulous, and absolutely precise terms to guarantee a cracked skull and a bullet through the torturous recesses of the small intestine to become lodged in the Pedicle of the Fourth Lumbar Vertebrae thereby causing an irreversable trauma to the Prostate Gland - resulting in an immediate increased profit to the makers of Depends! Tell her you didn't really mean it, that you were just kidding and "- - - what ELSE can I do for you, Dear????" :lol: :lol:

Let me know if YOU survive! :(

DOC HARRIS

DOC- you gotta stop reading Roget's Thesaurus before its too late :D :!: :wink:
nr - it just sort of - flies all over me every once in awhile! I resist the urge as long as I can, however when I get started the words just seem to get stuck in the middle, and suddenly - there I am with words in my head and no way to sort them out! Robert Chapman just seems to be - looking over my shoulder and whispering words in my ears! Sometimes it is - how shall I describe it - frightening - disconscerting - even sort of - spooky! :shock: But I will buck-up and bite my tongue and - - plunge forward with - alacrity! It's a beautiful thing! :lol: :lol: :roll:

DON'T GET ME STARTED!

DOC HARRIS
 

George

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For all of you that have decided I'm a male :? chovinoust :x pig :mad: - - - I hat to disapoint you but my BABY SISTER :oops: :p sent this to me!!! :p :p

I just thought you could all use a good laugh. :!: :D :D :D

Hope to had a great time Doc :D - - I missed your postings :wink: [/u][/b]
 

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