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Ghosts of Childrens' pasts

burnt

Well-known member
Sometimes a fella just has to put this stuff out there.

Had the evening meal at our daughter's place tonight, about an hour's drive east of our home. Our youngest son found work down her way this past summer, so he moved into the apartment that she rents. We took a few things along from home that would make their place a bit more comfortable. Parent stuff, you know?

Daughter made a great meal for us - she cooks every bit as well as her mother and I'm so proud of her. Our son regaled us with stories of the best and the worst of his day's work. He's becoming quite independent and capable on his own.

After a few games and yawns, wifey and I decided it was time to head home. Pulled out of their driveway, headed down the now-familiar highway that connects their place to ours. But I had this nagging sense of lostness - what was it that felt so strange? I knew where I was going - I'd been down this road lots of times.

But this trip was different.

Because as the night settled in, for the first time it dawned on me when we arrived at home, it would be to an empty house. The hard fact grabbed my throat like an strangling fist. Just their momma and me. Only one part-time-at-home son now.

Then the words just kinda choked out and spilled across the seat to my wife their momma - "I always thought that they'd be coming back home again" - well to be honest, it was more than just words that spilled . . . "But they're not!" (Stupid thinking, man - they grow up!)

"No", she reaches over and eventually says, "but they will come home for visits and we always enjoy that" and thank God that soft hand on mine assured me that this pressing reality would be eased by our companionship.

But still the specter grew with the passing miles - bedrooms once filled with the bustle of small children, then teens - now mostly empty. The thought conjured up a lifetime of memories once again - how does that work that at times like this, a whole lifetime of memories bursts into about 5 seconds of time?

And questions. A million questions! What did I teach them? They learned quite a bit about cows and calves. About hard work. About the land and growing crops, driving machinery. I remember sitting on the couch before bedtime, reading books, often "Value Tales", two kids on each side, sometimes poking me and telling me to "wake up daddy, you're reading to us"! Bible stories. But did I teach them enough about the Lord? What did I model?

Slowed down, the light turned yellow, then red.

It wasn't always good. Why do I remember so much hurry? Not always taking time to listen as I should have. Damning impatience darkening some bright moments.

As if it mattered more to get the work done than to see my kid grow up.

Once again, reassurance comes back from their mother "I guess we all could have done better". It's the stuff of life. The thorny side of the rosebush. But the truth that nobody gets it all right does little to ease the concern about how the die has been cast.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdAmiDC0GUQ

As we wait for the light to turn, I know I'm not the first to be on this road and I'm sure not the last either.

The traffic moves forward again and I think further on the lives of each of our children. Each one is independent, dedicated and trustworthy. Smart kids, each one of them, and responsible. I think they will be fine, whatever questions and self-doubts plague me.

Still . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCpsD0ZDfus

But you know what? It’s a good thing they’re all grown up and moving on! Yup, that’s it, they’re not just moving out, they’re moving on! Because they still always like to come home. For the weekend at times. For a big feed of their momma’s famous pizza on Saturdays. So that’s a good thing!

A thing I can live with. A road I can handle.

It's good to be home.

JES/11/28/12
 

gcreekrch

Well-known member
You're fortunate they are that close Burnt.

Our nearest is a 5 hour drive away and the others' home base is Calgary, soon to be Bonnyville AB.

Empty nest goes away and then the second honeymmon starts. :wink:
 

jigs

Well-known member
we traveled to Yuma AZ over Thanksgiving to visit our oldest and her husband. I did not know how much I missed her until we got to thier apartment, and I saw her.....felt like a life time since I saw her last. to see the two of them, so madly in love, made me remember back to when I was first married to her mom....he had nothing, a dumpy rental house and piece of crap car. but we thought we owned the world!! now, with #2 getting ready to leave the nest, we will be half way done with our most important job, raising children. when the baby leaves, my wife will be a total wreck.
 

LazyWP

Well-known member
What a story! You did good in telling it. Not many of us can put our feelings into words.

Can I steal it? I think my oldest needs to read it.
 

burnt

Well-known member
LazyWP said:
What a story! You did good in telling it. Not many of us can put our feelings into words.

Can I steal it? I think my oldest needs to read it.

Pretty hard to steal what everybody experiences! I hope you can find it useful.

Jigs, Good to hear that you made the trip a good one. Didn't know if you'd survive the flight! They must have found a good strong sedative for you? :wink:

Gcreek, yes, we're fortunate to have them all so close, but the longest distance seems to be their step out across the threshold of the front door. That's the moment they don't tell you about in the delivery room when they hand you the newborn . . .
 

Faster horses

Well-known member
That was very touching burnt. I love the way you write when you are
feeling sentimental--you write with such feelling.

Just have to remember with kids, we give them roots and we give them
wings...
 

Shortgrass

Well-known member
What fun when hey all come home! It is rewarding to see them fly on their own. I stll miss them...............something would be wrong if we didn't. Nice post.
 

jigs

Well-known member
burnt said:
LazyWP said:
What a story! You did good in telling it. Not many of us can put our feelings into words.

Can I steal it? I think my oldest needs to read it.

Pretty hard to steal what everybody experiences! I hope you can find it useful.

Jigs, Good to hear that you made the trip a good one. Didn't know if you'd survive the flight! They must have found a good strong sedative for you? :wink:

Gcreek, yes, we're fortunate to have them all so close, but the longest distance seems to be their step out across the threshold of the front door. That's the moment they don't tell you about in the delivery room when they hand you the newborn . . .

saw all these little kids getting on the plane..figured if they can do it, I can do it....as it lifted off, they all giggled, and I crapped my pants.....
 
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