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Ranchers.net

Have you ever spoken and
>> wished that you could immediately take the words
> back or that you could crawl into a hole ?
>>
>> _____
>>
>> *I was at the golf store
>> comparing different kinds
>> of golf balls.
>> I was unhappy with the women's type
>> I had been using. After browsing for
>> several minutes, I was approached
>> by one of the good- looking gentlemen
>> who works at the store. He asked if
>> he could help me.
>> Without thinking, I looked at him
>> and said,
>> "I think I like playing with men's balls."
>>
>> *My sister and I were at the mall and passed
>> by a store that sold a variety of candy
>> and nuts. As we were looking at
>> the display case, the boy behind
>> the counter asked if we needed
>> any help. I replied,
>> "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
>> My sister started to laugh hysterically,
>> the boy grinned, and I turned
>> beet-red and walked away.
>> To this day, my sister has never
>> let me forget.
>>
>> *Have you ever asked your child
>> a question too many times?
>> My three-year-old son had a lot
>> of problems with potty training
>> and I was on him constantly.
>> One day we stopped at Taco Bell
>> for a quick lunch in between errands.
>> It was very busy, with a full dining
>> room. While enjoying my taco,
>> I smelled something funny,
>> so of course I checked my
>> seven-month-old daughter,
>> and she was clean.
>> Then I realized that Danny had not
>> asked to go potty in a while,
>> so I asked him if he needed to go,
>> and he said, "No."
>> I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child
>> has had an accident, and I don't
>> have any clothes with me."
>> Then I said,
>> "Danny, are you SURE you didn't
>> have an accident?"
>> "No," he replied. I just KNEW that
>> he must have had an accident,
>> because the smell was getting worse.
>> Soooooo, I asked one more time,
>> "Danny, did you have an accident?"
>> This time he jumped up,
>> yanked down his pants, bent over
>> and spread his cheeks and yelled.
>> "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
>> While 30 people nearly choked to
>> death on their tacos laughing,
>> he calmly pulled up his pants and
>> sat down.
>> An old couple made me feel better
>> by thanking me for the best laugh
>> they'd ever had!
>>
>> *This had most of the state of
>> Michigan laughing for 2 days
>> and a very embarrassed female
>> news anchor who will, in the future,
>> likely think before she speaks.
>> What happens when you predict
>> snow but don't get any?
>> A true story. We had a female
>> news anchor who, the day after
>> it was supposed to have snowed
>> and didn't, turned to the
>> weatherman and asked:
>> "So Bob, where's that 8 inches
>> you promised me last night?"
>> Not only did HE have to leave
>> the set, but half the crew did too!
>>
>> While on a flight from New York ,
>> the Stewardess was busy passing
>> out peanuts and cokes to everyone.
>> There were about sixteen flights
>> lined up waiting to get clearance
>> to take off.
>> Then the other Stewardess got a
>> message from the Pilot that the
>> tower said the wind had changed 1
>> 80 degrees and they were first in
>> line to take off, and to have
>> everyone buckle up.
>> Without thinking she just announced
>> "Please buckle up, grab your drinks
>> and hold your nuts, we're taking off!".
>> No one saw her for the rest of the
>> flight to Houston, and all the other
>> Stewardesses were laughing
>> all the way and so were half of
>> the passengers.
>>
>> Now, didn't that feel good ?
>> Pass it on to someone
>> you know who needs
>> a good laugh.
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