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Hangover Ratings...

katrina

Well-known member
Hangover Ratings...

Been Here...

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well.

However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way.

For some reason, your are craving a Philly sub and steak fries.


Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you are home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke -- yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.


Five Star Hangover, (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now.
 

Ranch Mom

Well-known member
omg, I am laughing out loud and my eyes are watering. that rarely happens when I read a post. TERRIFIC JOKE or is it just the sad sad truth???? :oops:
:clap: :clap: :clap:
 

katrina

Well-known member
Of course I do not know of any of this.... :wink: :roll: :wink: :roll: And I can not understand why all my friends would email this to me!!! :roll: :roll: :wink:
 

katrina

Well-known member
You want a good one...(my favorite) search tazer on ranchersnet and read casa pama's post on tazers. It is my all time favorite and I go back and read it....
 

ranchwife

Well-known member
Katrina---the last time I laughed this darned hard was when a friend of mine e-mailed me a story (written in 1st person) about a woman who decided to give "home hot waxing" a try....OMG!!!! Laughed til I thought my bladder would just give out!! Gonna have to see if I can find that one for ya....think you will like it!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

Shelly

Well-known member
Some of those hangover ratings hit pretty close to home. Boy, how I DON'T miss those days! And as for the tazer story. laughed till I had tears running down my face. That is my all-time favorite, too.
 

passin thru

Well-known member
From a woman, nother story to make you cringe...........and if you don't laugh I will understand

Women if you are shaving just a note to beware
All you men, I never want to hear you complain about shaving, and here is why.

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing
kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my
demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a
clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get
warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever
else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can
it be I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough
to figure this out. (YA THINK!?) So, I pull one of the thin strips
out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing
them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat
it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay a strip across
my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!!! OK, so
it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward
body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax
strip, I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the
bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties
and place n foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the
wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right
half of my womanly region and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek
(Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace
myself...RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!...OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! Vision
returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and
spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear
crashing drums/?? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my
trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain,
with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is
my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on
it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head
down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that
should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my
fingers over the most sensitive part of my
body, which is now covered in
cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember
my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do
something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a
cell door. V_____? Sealed shut! B___? Sealed shut! I penguin walk
around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself
"Please don't let me get the urge to____. My head may pop off!" What
can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run
the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
right??? "WRONG!!!!!!" I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter
than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical
equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than
having your nether regions
glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the
bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't
melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!! I
call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So,
my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There
is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but
she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly
where the wax is located, "Are we taking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she
suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!
Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go
through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving
the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has
taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic
Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when
I finally see my saving grace...the lotion they give you to remove the
excess was. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some
on and OH MY GODD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared
the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't
care. "It works!! IT
WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulations from my
friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax
and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL
THERE.....ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by
now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
 

Hanta Yo

Well-known member
Oh, MAN I'm dyin' :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: I had this sent to me email before, don't know what I did with it...I should print it out and put in a file called ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
671.gif
 

passin thru

Well-known member
RW, sorry I missed your post but when I saw this .............something rang a bell. After I got through my comp crashing I got this posted.

RW and Hanta...............for the life of me I can't see why you would laugh. :D
 

sw

Well-known member
seeing those stories reminded me of the one about the baked beans that was posted on Ranchers a long time ago, maybe even before the format was changed. Can't seem to find it, has to be here somewhere, laughed so hard it hurt, think that's where my ranchers addiction started :wink:
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Yep- You kind of have to feel sorry for people that don't drink- knowing that how they feel when they get up is as good as they are going to feel all day long... :wink:

Drunks have something to look forward to!
 
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