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Tully

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Man walks into a hospital with two black eyes & a 9 iron wrapped around his neck... the doctor asks him what the devil happenned? to which he replied that he was playing golf with his wife when they both sliced their tee shots into some rough scrub as he was looking for their balls he noticed an old jersey cow tethered to a post when he looked closer he noticed something white at the cows back end & when he lifted the cows tail he saw a ball lodged there with his wifes initials etched on it & he remembers saying " hey dear this looks like yours" after that it was all a bit of a blur.

regards
Tully
(knee deep in it..........clover that is) :lol:
 

Brad S

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Hey Tully,

Hope the other side of the world is treating you well.

Here in America, sometime ago, the rule makers decided it was bad for a guy to have 2 wives. So they set about finding a suitable punnishment to disuade guys from taking 2 wives, and this is their decree: From this day forth, the penalty for having 2 wives is having 2 wives.
 

Tully

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Sorry if I offended JL, just had one of my wicked moments is all...now that is out of my system i feel cleansed. G'day Brad S things on thiis side of the globe are just a tad short of outstanding....that green that it hurts the eyes to look at it with the unmistakeable sound of cattle bloating wafting across the plain. Sorry to hear about your newest BSE case but maybe a bit of pain now will be for the best at least you are finding them & that is what the consumer wants...a barrier between BSE & the food chain. The cattle market here is a bit scary at the moment the feedlots rang a few days ago with $2.65/kg for angus ,murray grey & shorthorn steers 330-450kg a big jump from a few weeks ago ,about a 40c jump , I get real nervous when markets heat up & start looking for more to sell I found out long ago that if you keep holding out for the big kill you may end up being the big kill. A little bit of greed is essential but too much can send you broke.

all the best from the land of the giant mouse
Tully
 

ranchwife

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katrina said:
:???: I don't get the joke???? :?

Don't worry, Katrina!! My hubby got the joke....laughed hysterically and I am now searching for something to use as a "golf club"!! :wink: :wink:
 
A

Anonymous

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Two men are playing golf at a Billings countryclub. One is about to chip to the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in prayer.

His friend says"Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

Resuming his stance, he replies" Yeah well we were married for 35 years."
 

Faster horses

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Some friends went to the NFR and they didn't get early tickets so they really didn't have very good seats.

WAYYYYY down low, the wife spied an empty seat. She kept watching and as no one sat down, she made her way down to the better seat, which was next to an elderly woman. As she got to the seat, she asked the elderly woman if the seat belonged to someone.

"Nooooo," the woman replied. "It was always my husband's seat. We came here for 20 years to watch the rodeo. He isn't here today because he passed away."

"Oh," I am sorry to hear that," said my friend. "When did that happen?"

"About 6 pm this evening" the lady replied.
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

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I wasn't offended....laffed n laffed n laffed....n then read it to hubby..he laffed n laffed...n I told him...dont you ever talk to me while yer lookin under a cows tail....or even under a cow for that matter....lmao
 

Australian Cattleman

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Wish we were as green as you are Tully. We are still dry,getting sick of feeding out round bales. Fed out 60 so far. Still have the rest of winter and a bit more to go yet.
Colin & Helen
 

Tully

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Sorry to hear of your situation Colin, where I am (Gunnedah) we seem to be having an early spring but our springs only last about 3-4 weeks & then we go straight into summer. We were feeding out hay till about a week ago too the reason my clover is so advanced is where we watered it in April so the recent rain just punched it along. Have been hearing lately of big rain predicted for mid August as a result of the flooding rains in India & Bangladesh I hope It is a bit more spread out than the last lot as we would be facing floods .
cheers from the flat land

Tully
 

ranchwife

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Oldtimer said:
Two men are playing golf at a Billings countryclub. One is about to chip to the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in prayer.

His friend says"Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

Resuming his stance, he replies" Yeah well we were married for 35 years."

I am pretty sure I have met this man before!!! :wink:
 

rancher

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I take it as when he lifted the tail and seen the female parts he said

" hey dear this looks like yours"

He meant the golf ball looked like hers and she thought he meant the .... "hoo HA" looked like hers.
 

Mike

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rancher said:
I take it as when he lifted the tail and seen the female parts he said

" hey dear this looks like yours"

He meant the golf ball looked like hers and she thought he meant the ....looked like hers.

Go ahead and say it rancher! It's called a "HOO HAA". :wink:
 

katrina

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Okay :shock: :shock: :shock: .............That one sailed right over my head.... :oops: :oops:
Did tell the cowboy one about being on the patch, to my favorite dentist the other day... :D
 

Saddletramp

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On their wedding night the new husband told his new bride," Now that we're married my dear I must tell you you're not going to see much of me on weekends because I'm a golfer."


The bride answered," Well, this might work out cause you probably won't see much of me on weekends either because I'm a Hooker."

The husband said,"Really! Have you tried keeping your head down and your elbow straighter........
 

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