"Dear Mr. Agriculture Secretary:
My friend, Charlie received a check for $1,000 from the government for not
raising hogs. So I want to get into the "not raising hogs" business next
year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best type of
farm to not raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to
raise?
If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising
100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down
to about 4,000 "not raised" hogs, which will give me $80,000 income the
first year. Then I can afford an airplane.
Now, another thing: These hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000
bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising
corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn
not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?
I am also considering not milking cows, so please send me information on
that, too.
In view of these circumstances, I understand that the government will
consider me totally unemployed, so I plan to file for unemployment and
food stamps.
Sincerely Yours, Mort Wilson"