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How to baptise a bear

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kolanuraven

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A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains
>> to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.
>>
>> They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to
>> talk shop.
>>
>> One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't
>> really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
>>
>> One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They
>> would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt
>> to convert it.
>>
>> Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
>>
>> Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has
>> various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to
>> find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the
>> Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap
>> me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy
>> Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out
>> next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
>>
>> Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm
>> and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone
>> oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I
>> went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from
>> God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took
>> HOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another
>> and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and
>> BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a
>> lamb. We spent the rest of the week in Fellowship, feasting on God's Holy
>> Word, and praising Jesus."
>>
>> They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed.
>> He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and
>> out of him. He was in bad shape.
>>
>> The rabbi looks up and says, "You fellows don't even know what
>> trouble is until you try to circumcise a bear."
 

Soapweed

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This hardly bears replying to, because it is almost em-bear-assing that you folks are still bearly able to come up with puns. Give the poor old bear a break, he's asleep and trying to hi-bear-nate. :wink:
 

Soapweed

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Most of the older smarter bears are good bears and hi-bear-nate like they are su-paws to. Some of the teeny-bopper bears stay up and pawty, just be-claws they are beary rebellious. They like to im-paw-sonate one of their fa-bear-ite TV shows, May-beary RFD (Real Fine Delicacies) (the May-bearies,that is). One is Bear-ny Fife, the deputy who bears the bruint of lawn forcement. He was a tame bear in an earlier life, so was de-clawed. However, in his lawn forcement duties, he has been given one claw which he care-bears on a necklace around his hairy neck.

The pawty bears like to paw-hop to the Grizzly Bear Stomp, as the banded bears growl out the tuna of the Bear Bear-all Paw-ka. Lots of bear is conswimmed, and the growls grow louder as the night continues. It's no wander the paw-ty bears bear a blurried-eyed belligerent bloodshot beary bad bision of the world when they bearly get enough slumber to lumber around the woods.

Sorry folks, calvin' fever has plumb got beary badly to me. :???: :? :cry: :wink: :D :shock: :roll: 8) :p :)

I need to go to a horse sale, or something.
 

Denny

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Hey Soapweed that was Beary Beary good Paws to you :clap: :clap: :lol2: :lol2:
 

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