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Humor no longer allowed..

Steve

Well-known member
there used to be alot of jokes.. but over the last few decades many of them have been ruled insensitive.. the list is long and growing.. polack, swede, black, and now gay jokes are just a few.. and the list grows long..

humor might have taken a setback.. but we must try..
Question - What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
Answer - A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Question: Why can’t liberals find facts?
Answer: They aren’t looking for any.

Question: How do you confuse a liberal?
Answer: You don’t, they are born that way

Question: What’s the difference between an terrorist and a liberal?
Answer: The terrorist makes fewer demands.

Question - Why do the male members of the Kennedy family cry while having sex?

Answer - Mace.

Question: What’s the difference between liberal ideas and cow pies?
Answer: Cow pies stop stinking after awhile

Question: How much does a Liberal cost?
Answer: Nothing, Liberals have no values.

President Clinton finishes his time on earth and approaches the Pearly Gates of Heaven.

"And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
It's me, Bill Clinton, formerly President of the United States and Leader of the Free World."
"Oh, Mr. President! What may I do for you?" asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Clinton.
"Sure," but first you have to confess your sins. What bad things have you done in your life?"

Clinton bites his lip and answers, "Well, I tried marijuana, but you can't call it "dope-smoking" because I didn't inhale. There were inappropriate extramarital relationships, but you can't call it "adultery" because I didn't achieve full "sexual relations", and I made some statements that were misleading but legally accurate - You can't call it bearing "false witness" because as far as I know, it didn't meet the legal standard of perjury".

With that, St. Peter consults the Book of Life briefly and declares, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you somewhere hot, but we won't call it "Hell". You'll be there indefinitely, but we won't call it "eternity", and when you enter you don't have to "abandon all hope", just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."




It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight; immediately I began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announces, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in. A few seconds later the next guy came up. "Greetings, friend: before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."

The man said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this, I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by my finger tips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well sir," the Angel announces. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."

The old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a Democrat. Get me a change of registration form." "You can do it", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a Democrat?" "That's my business! Get me the form!"

Four days later, the old man got his registration changed. His lawyer was at his bedside making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing, and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to become a Democrat so badly before you died?" In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said: "One less Democrat".


Question: If Barack, M and all the progressive liberals are on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
Answer: We do.

A Democrat found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.

have a great week and remember in the end the joke is on them..
 

Steve

Well-known member
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