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I object!

jigs

Well-known member
the quiet and submissive comments hit close to home.

my wife and her sisters were raised to believe that a man and a woman are one after married. that the whole goal of a woman is to complete her man, and to live her life as an extension of him. Now along with this, the man must hae a very level understanding as to complete the woman in return, and not take advantage of her, and thus creating a slave.

it goes against everything the schools teach today, they want independant, equall women, and that theory shows up in the divorce rate today
 

theHiredMansWife

Well-known member
I don't buy it.
You're basically saying the divorce rate is what it is because women don't know their place. :roll:

My mother was raised to be equal and independant by her mother who was also strong and independant. My mother has been married to her best friend for 40 years. My grandmother still mourns my grandfather, her best friend, gone now for almost 20 years.

In my family, women are partners. And while one partner might be stronger than another in any given year, the big picture is one of equal teamwork.

No, submissive does not have to mean second class.
But to say that's how a woman should be because anything else is what leads to the rise in divorce rate is a bit off base...
 

cert

Well-known member
theHiredMansWife said:
My mother was raised to be equal and independant by her mother who was also strong and independant.

As was I. But there is a difference in being strong and independent, or just pushy, bossy and bull headed. And I'm refering to myself.
theHiredMansWife said:
No, submissive does not have to mean second class.
But to say that's how a woman should be because anything else is what leads to the rise in divorce rate is a bit off base...

More info than ya'll want here I figure, but it may help HMW understand where I'm comming from.
Several years ago my marriage was starting a downward spiral and moving in the wrong direction fast. Hubby hated his job at the steel mill. Union came in and made things worse. He tried hard but was still grouchy when he came home. Mostly my fault. He was working swing shift, never home to see the kids or me. I was left with the house, farm and kids with what seemed like no help. Life stunk.

Hubby decided he couldn't handle the factory anymore and neither could our marriage. He wanted to drive again. He was an owner operator when we met almost 8 years ago. He decided a few years and a couple kids later that he wanted to be home more. Got the steel mill job...
ANYHOW,
mid December he bought a KW. I supported his decision 100%. He is offically self employed now. Home by 5 pm most nights and home on the weekends if local hauls are available.
Now-a-days he WANTS to come home. He is greeted with a smile and a warm meal on the table. While he was at the factory I was frustrated and angry because of the work load that was dumped on me. I tried to take a "dominate" role over the household in his adsence. That made him feel small and less a man.
Thru the help of a good friend and his wife I realized what I was doing. I have since backed completely off. I stayed out of the truck purchasing process and all the decisions that are included. I stayed out of the brokering of loads till I was asked for help. I moved cows to the pastures I was told even though I dissagreed. Now I find him asking for my opinon on several things. Before I was told what was going to be done. I find myself doing things I know he will be pleased with and enjoy doing it. Before, I would do it cause it needed done and I'd resent him for it.
Now he calls 3 or more times a day from the truck just to talk or because he heard a song on the radio that made him think of me. Not to check up on me like before.
Life is alot eaiser now. I have backed off, let him take his place at the head of the family. My work load is no lighter but it is better. The family is stronger and better off with hubby at the head that it would have ever been with me trying to run things.
Submissive is not weak, Submissive is not bowing to things that are sinful, Submissive is the only way things are ment to be. The only way a marriage can be "Heavenly".

If I had kept on the way things were, I would be a single mother right now.

BUT, I have a feeling that HMW and I will have to agree to disagree.
 

theHiredMansWife

Well-known member
I guess so.

Like I said, there's nothing wrong with being submissive.
But that doesn't mean it's the only way, either. To think so would be to imply there is only one type of marriage in the world that will be successful and that simply is not true.

Your "after" peace and enjoyment is what I've always had. (at least in the years since we got married. We dated for about four years before we got married where we ironed a lot of this kind of stuff out)
I am an equal partner. :)

When you have a team of horses, one can pull harder than the other sometimes. But they work best when they're both pulling as equally as possible.
That's how we tend to see it in our house.
 

theHiredMansWife

Well-known member
No, I understand completely. It's seen as mutual respect in your house. It's what works for you and that's fine. I have a number of friends with similar philosophies.

But you also seem to be saying that's how it should be for everyone.
And I'm saying that no it's not. Successful marriages are as different as the people who create them. That's the part we're disagreeing on. :wink:
 

jigs

Well-known member
wasn't saying that is the only cause of divorce, but it is a leading factor.

look at it this way..... a man and woman get married and become one. as if they become one body, there can only be one head, or else there is no way of knowing which direction you are headed. with the responsibility of being the head, the man must keep the body stong, and satisfied.

we run a completely 50/50 life, but in the end, I am the man, and we both know what that statement means.

I just think the education system now days is ruining young women by telling them they are better than men, and ruining young men by not teaching them to respect women as women.

I love my farm, and enjoy the way I live out here in the middle of nowhere, but with out my wife, I would walk away and never look back, that it how solidly she completes me, and it is the same way with her.

I would not want a wife to sit in the corner all meek and mild, I want one full of energy, ideas and enthusiasm, but I want her to know who is the head of the family, and respect my position as the man.

basically, the very woman that Oprah, Jennifer Aniston, Rosie Odonnell, Hillary Clinton, and anyone in the NOW group would call a mans slave.....that is the ideal one for me!
 

jigs

Well-known member
i guess I just can not describe myself right, you seem to think I mean I am the BOSS and it is my way by God or no way at all.
and that is totally wrong. I am the head, and my wife is a very important part of every decision I make, yet I hold the final vote. she is the spiritual equivilant of my right arm. everything I do is my final choice, but I keep her best interests in mind.

with out sounding like an ass, the only way I can put it is "she knows her place" it sounds demeaning, but it is not.

kind of like a congregation makes up the church, but the preacher leads it....all the time knowing if it were not for the congregation, the preacher would be of no use.


however, for about 6 years I did keep her "barefoot and pregnant" so maybe I am a shovenist pig?
 

PPRM

Well-known member
Jigs-----On the Sunday Hypocrite statement...A saying I like....I wouldn't belong to any church that would have me as a member, LOL....If you go to church to look at people, well you are missing the purpose. People get too enamored with people and Pators and miss the point.



This thread is very funny in a way. Right now we are going through a class on a book called Love and Respect. We have been through a ton of classes on marriage. I think for the most part they only tell half of the story. How a man should Love a Woman. In this class , it does that, but also talks a lot more about how men think and communicate to helpo women understand Men better. Think about it...Women tend to be attracted to strong men...Men strong in Charachter and Men strong in capability...We are wired how we are wired. A strong man doesn't mean dominate or one that diminishes a woman....




PPRM
 

PPRM

Well-known member
R2,


I have read a lot of the books in the vien as Venus/Mars....The Love and Respect is different though and very worth reading. The Video Series also....


I think it doesn't mean a woman has to be made small for a man to be strong. Very much like I don't think it means a man effeminate to show Love to a woman or to meet her needs for communictaion, Love and affection.

BTW, glad your dating deal was seeming to work for you. However, I know if a guy came on here and said, "The two ladies I am dating,", well he'd get lambasted, LOL....I know, it is more of an initial meeting stage and not the exclusive stage. Enjoy it while they are competing for your affections. Often we get a little lazy when the competitiion is gone, LOL.....


PPRM
 

Frankk

Well-known member
cert said:
I recentally photographed a wedding. I was an outdoor wedding at a city park gazebo and they used a "rent a minister" kinda deal. What they did was flip thru the yellow pages to find someone to officiate the wedding and make it legal like.

Anyhow, I was told before the ceremony that there was an irate grandfather who was not happy with the location or the miniser and he may make a scene durning the wedding. I was asked to pay him no mind.

Come to find out he was upset with the fact that his grand daughter's wedding was not in a church and really upset that the minister was a woman.
He actually stood up and objected to the union of the man and woman. :shock:

His reasoning was that the marriage was starting in sin because of the woman minister. He quoted scripture fron Corinthians and Titus.
I went home and read a bit.

After my reading, I was wondering how many of you folk might agree with the grandfather.

You don't need a church or a minister to get married. Case in point when Issac saw Racheal he took her into his mother's tent and they were married unless God had changed this will still work. I beleive God is unchangeable. man has added all the other stuff.
 

Hanta Yo

Well-known member
Oooooooooo, let me confound this a little bit. I know a woman who "cohabitated" with a guy for 10 years. Both her and his kids were all grown up so there wasn't the problem of "yours" "mine" "ours". They were, by law, married by common law. She was getting nowhere with him, couldn't get him to commit to marriage, so she just left. :? I think co-habitation is wrong, since no one seems to want to commit to marriage, they just "live" together. What's the matter with a relationship when you are really married by common-law but he won't go through the marriage process? I think this woman did the very best thing for herself, she left. Now he is seeing a young woman who has Jr High School kids and where is that going??? DEAD END. Someone needs to tell her, but I don't think she'll listen. Any suggestions??????????
 

MsSage

Well-known member
Now he is seeing a young woman who has Jr High School kids and where is that going??? DEAD END. Someone needs to tell her, but I don't think she'll listen. Any suggestions??????????
LOL all I can say is keep her in your prayers. Only when she sees the light will it end and then she will need you as a friend.
Sometimes very smart collected women make STUPID choices then get all turned around and dont know which way is which. Maybe they have hopes and dreams he will be what they see in him..........
 

kolanuraven

Well-known member
Stay out of it!

Do like we do here in the South.....just smile and all conversations with them....comment on the weather...and end with the greatest of all Southern-isms " How's ya momma?" Then go on your way.

I'm sure she's getting plenty of advice elsewhere.
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Not arguein your point Hanta Yo

But we have some really good friends that are married, Not long tho.....maybe 4 years....she's in her 50s and he's in his late 30s...all her kids are grown and outta the house, he doesn't have any kids.
Their marriage works great. Different, but great.
 

Hanta Yo

Well-known member
kolanuraven said:
Stay out of it!

Do like we do here in the South.....just smile and all conversations with them....comment on the weather...and end with the greatest of all Southern-isms " How's ya momma?" Then go on your way.

I'm sure she's getting plenty of advice elsewhere.

I plan on letting someone else tell her, if anyone does. I feel sorry for her kids. :cry:
 

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