theHiredMansWife said:
My mother was raised to be equal and independant by her mother who was also strong and independant.
As was I. But there is a difference in being strong and independent, or just pushy, bossy and bull headed. And I'm refering to myself.
theHiredMansWife said:
No, submissive does not have to mean second class.
But to say that's how a woman should be because anything else is what leads to the rise in divorce rate is a bit off base...
More info than ya'll want here I figure, but it may help HMW understand where I'm comming from.
Several years ago my marriage was starting a downward spiral and moving in the wrong direction fast. Hubby hated his job at the steel mill. Union came in and made things worse. He tried hard but was still grouchy when he came home. Mostly my fault. He was working swing shift, never home to see the kids or me. I was left with the house, farm and kids with what seemed like no help. Life stunk.
Hubby decided he couldn't handle the factory anymore and neither could our marriage. He wanted to drive again. He was an owner operator when we met almost 8 years ago. He decided a few years and a couple kids later that he wanted to be home more. Got the steel mill job...
ANYHOW,
mid December he bought a KW. I supported his decision 100%. He is offically self employed now. Home by 5 pm most nights and home on the weekends if local hauls are available.
Now-a-days he WANTS to come home. He is greeted with a smile and a warm meal on the table. While he was at the factory I was frustrated and angry because of the work load that was dumped on me. I tried to take a "dominate" role over the household in his adsence. That made him feel small and less a man.
Thru the help of a good friend and his wife I realized what I was doing. I have since backed completely off. I stayed out of the truck purchasing process and all the decisions that are included. I stayed out of the brokering of loads till I was asked for help. I moved cows to the pastures I was told even though I dissagreed. Now I find him asking for my opinon on several things. Before I was told what was going to be done. I find myself doing things I know he will be pleased with and enjoy doing it. Before, I would do it cause it needed done and I'd resent him for it.
Now he calls 3 or more times a day from the truck just to talk or because he heard a song on the radio that made him think of me. Not to check up on me like before.
Life is alot eaiser now. I have backed off, let him take his place at the head of the family. My work load is no lighter but it is better. The family is stronger and better off with hubby at the head that it would have ever been with me trying to run things.
Submissive is not weak, Submissive is not bowing to things that are sinful, Submissive is the only way things are ment to be. The only way a marriage can be "Heavenly".
If I had kept on the way things were, I would be a single mother right now.
BUT, I have a feeling that HMW and I will have to agree to disagree.