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If Katrina wrote a Miss Manners column

jigs

Well-known member
Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners

1.
Never take a beer to a job interview.

2.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3.
It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

Dining Out

1.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

Entertaining In Your Home

1.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene

1.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys

2.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

3.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (outside the family)

1.
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'

3.
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

4.
Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'

Weddings

1.
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

4.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

5.
It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

Driving Etiquette

1.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

5.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

6.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Hey now....I think livestock is a perfect weddin present.

As long as it ain't goats, sheep or pigs.


That usta be a big thing down here in the south, cattle were included in alotta the girls weddin gifts from her parents.

LOL Can't ya see it now.....Brides registering with "Such n Such Angus Ranch" :wink:
 

katrina

Well-known member
Jigs, Yesssss sir reeeee......... I try and keep my fingernails clean for the dental office but when I'm A.Iing, it's touch and go!!!
Speaking of pigs, I've been in my share of hog calling contest..... Western style........
Them are definatley words of wisdom!!!!!!!!
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
katrina said:
Jigs, Yesssss sir reeeee......... I try and keep my fingernails clean for the dental office but when I'm A.Iing, it's touch and go!!!
Speaking of pigs, I've been in my share of hog calling contest..... Western style........
Them are definatley words of wisdom!!!!!!!!

I always kept my fingernails relatively short when workin in the dental office.......was one of the requirements. Now.....that I can actually have fingernails...I'm doin stuff all the time, and they break off....but never fails..when it's time to palpate....I've managed to grow them long, and hafta cut em all off. When I took the class to get certified for A-I and palpatin...they told us girls that it was a smart thing to cut your fingernails, so that you didn't cut the cow up with em inside. Course mine aren't ever really LONG LONG....I concider long if they get past the tips of my fingers LOL
 

Jassy

Well-known member
the_jersey_lilly_2000 said:
katrina said:
Jigs, Yesssss sir reeeee......... I try and keep my fingernails clean for the dental office but when I'm A.Iing, it's touch and go!!!
Speaking of pigs, I've been in my share of hog calling contest..... Western style........
Them are definatley words of wisdom!!!!!!!!

I always kept my fingernails relatively short when workin in the dental office.......was one of the requirements. Now.....that I can actually have fingernails...I'm doin stuff all the time, and they break off....but never fails..when it's time to palpate....I've managed to grow them long, and hafta cut em all off. When I took the class to get certified for A-I and palpatin...they told us girls that it was a smart thing to cut your fingernails, so that you didn't cut the cow up with em inside. Course mine aren't ever really LONG LONG....I concider long if they get past the tips of my fingers LOL

See another good reason I don't preg ck...it would ruin my polished nails..lol
 
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