>>Issued by the South Dakota Tourism Bureau to
>>ALL visitors:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Oasis. It's a
>>diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something that
>>they
>>know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen, they will kick your
>>ass.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>2. Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Wall, Murdo, Tea,
>>Gayville,Colome, etc.) or we will just have to kick your ass!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>3. Don't order a bottle or a can of soda in South Dakota. Here it is
>>call pop . Accept it. Doing other wise can lead to an ass kicking.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you are.
>>We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us
>>as a
>>bunch of rednecks or we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>5. We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here.
>>We may sometimes have small lapses in judgement from time to time. But we
>>are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for
>>the
>>Senate. If someone tried to do that..we would kick their ass.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>6. Don't laugh at out giant fiberglass cows and turtles made out of
>>car parts. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 250,000 postcards can be
>>bad.
>>When in Rapid City, don't point at the genitalia on the giant plastic
>>dinosaur
>>or we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>7. We are fully aware of how damn cold it gets here in the winter or
>>how hot it gets in the summer. So shut the hell up. Just spend your money
>>and
>>get the hell out of here. Don't hog the space heater, or we will kick
>>your ass.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>8. Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone
>>will know instantly that you are a tourist. Eat your steak well done like
>>God
>>intended and have some mashed potatoes and gravy with that! Don't ask what
>>a hot
>>dish is or we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>9. Don't try to fake a Dakota accent. We don't have an accent! Do NOT
>>mention the movie "Fargo" because that WASN'T us. That will incite a riot
>>and
>>you will get your ass kicked.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home, because we
>>know better. Many of us have visited big city hell holes like Detroit, New
>>York
>>and D.C. We have scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Interstate
>>90 is
>>ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>11. Don't complain that South Dakota is mostly flat and there aren't
>>enough trees. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass
>>all the
>>way back to Baltimore.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>12. Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We
>>hold the doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because
>>such
>>things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our
>>sweet
>>little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick your ass, just like they
>>did
>>ours.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>13. So you think we're quaint or hicks because most of us live on the
>>prairie? That's because we have enough sense not to live in filthy,
>>smelly,
>>crime infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air
>>and
>>we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>14. Writing "Sue Falls" is NOT cute. Your ass will be
>>kicked.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>15. Last, but not least: DO NOT DARE to come here and tell us how the
>>prairie should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your ass shot
>>(right
>>after it is kicked). Mention this just once and you will go home in a pine
>>box.
>>Minus your ass.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Now enjoy your visit and then go home.