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jokes

Angus Cattle Shower

Well-known member
SIGNS YOU'RE NOT GOING TO NE NAMED THE WORLD'S #1 INTELLECTUAL

1. "Words you use more than any other--'Pro' and 'Rasslin'"
2. "Twice last week you went through a carwash without a car"
3. "You once returned a hat because it didn't have instructions"
4. "Fearing Avian Flu, you traded in your Ford Thunderbird"
5. "All your awards are labelled 'Participant'"
6. "When asked the capital of Saskatchewan, you answer, 'Capital S'"
7. "Working in chemistry lab, you discovered that 'The blue stuff is
delicious'"
8. "You've been accused of lying through your tooth (Sorry, that's a
sign you might be a redneck)"
9. "Just put $50,000 on the Winnipeg Jets to win the Stanley Cup"
10. "You started a war in Iraq without an exit strategy"

HAZARDOUS DISNEY ATTRACTIONS

Yet another person died recently at a Disney theme park, this time
on the "Mission: Space" ride at Orlando's Disney World. As a public
service to readers, we thought we'd warn you about other potentially
fatal Disney attractions.

1. Goofy's Rootin' Tootin' Live Ammo Shootin' Range
2. Postal Sniper Tower o' Terror
3. Qaddafi Duck's Jihadarama
4. Mickey's Grab-the-Cheese-From-the-Trap-Real-Fast Ride
5. Piranhas of the Caribbean
6. Herbie the Sexually Transmitted Love Bug Gran Prix
7. The Rabid and Starving Country Bears Armed With Chainsaws Jamboree
Massacre
8. 20,000 Volts Under the Sea
9. The Splatterhorn
10. It's a Small Pox
11. Mad Hatter's Piping-Hot Brimming Teacup Sit 'n' Spin Ride
12. Ford's Pinto Bumper Car Flametacular!
13. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Flying Glass Shards
14. Lion King vs. Christians Extravaganza




JOKE OF THE DAY

GOOD
A Saskatchewan police officer had a perfect spot to watch for
speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem...a
12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign,
which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD" The officer then found a young accomplice
down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money.
...And we used to just sell lemonade!

BETTER:

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in Edmonton, AB. A $40 speeding ticket was
included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST:

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Saskatchewan RCMP
officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she
said, I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the RCMP Ball. He
replied, "Ma'am, Saskatchewan RCMP don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what
he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car
and drove off.
 

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