Faster horses
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Ken Overcast writes a column for The Prairie Star here in Montana.
www.kenovercast.com
www.theprairiestar.com
Editor's note: This is an updated version of a popular Ken Overcast column that ran in 2004.
An Idea so good it requires a fella to have brain insurance
Do you remember the Hollywood starlet that insured her legs for a million dollars a few years ago? I guess that her skirt must have accidentally gotten up over her knees a time or two in the filming, and she figured she was really on to something. She felt a need to protect her assets.
You don't hear much about that kind of thing anymore. It's probably because of the premiums. With all of the hide they expose nowadays, the cost would probably be prohibitive.
I've been thinkin' about insuring my brain. It really ain't fair that one guy should be so smart and good lookin' too. All things considered, I figure the premiums ought to be fairly low.
I've been doing some thinking about the whole Federal Land mess we find ourselves in, and have come up with an act for Congress to consider. It could be called The Federal Lands Distribution and Debt Reduction Act of 2011. This plan is brilliant, if I must say so myself.
It's this kind of thinkin' that precipitates the need for brain insurance. The idea here is to get the BLM and US Forest Service Lands into the hands of individuals and onto the county tax rolls, while at the same time travelin' a little farther down the trail to fiscal responsibility. It probably wouldn't have a prayer of passage ... it just makes too much sense.
This proposal would put all Federal Lands, with the exception of National Parks and military and Indian reservations, up for bid. In order to be eligible to participate in the auction, the prospective bidders must be legal age individuals and US citizens. Everyone would have the same shot at a piece of the West. Corporations or partnerships wouldn't qualify as legitimate bidders.
The land would be auctioned, along with its attached mineral rights, in parcels of 320 acres on the courthouse steps of the counties in which they are located, and each individual would only qualify to purchase one parcel. It would be like the old homestead days all over again, except there wouldn't be any "provin' up" to get the free federal land. (I think the old timers will tell you that it dang shore wasn't free. They earned every dime of it.)
Let's face it, a lot of federal land really doesn't amount to very much, that's why it wasn't homesteaded 100 years ago. (Or if it was, the homesteaders went bust and Uncle Sam got it back.) If it just brought 10 bucks an acre, it would amount to over $4.5 billion. Some of it would bring a whole lot more. The money received would go directly into the Federal Treasury to help defray the national debt. The last time I looked, it stood at just under $14.5 trillion. (That's just about three times what the amount was in 2004 when I first had this brainy idea.) That amounts to over $46,000 per citizen. That figure is over twice what it was in 2004. The great thing is, this brilliant plan of mine just might pay the WHOLE thing off.
It would take a real bonehead not to see that everyone in the country would reap an obvious benefit. I purposely didn't write these numbers out ... it just takes too much ink. In the event that any parcel of land failed to receive a bid, the land would revert to the individual counties involved. Local control is always better.
The way I figure it, this would solve a whole lot of problems, and everyone stands to benefit. To say that the federal government hasn't been all that efficient in their management would be an understatement. The last figures I saw were from the mid 90s, and the net annual loss for the BLM and Forest Service at that time was over $350 million. Can you even imagine having free land and going in the hole? What in the dickens would they do if they had land payments to make like all the rest of us do?
I can't see any reason to let them dig that hole any deeper than it already is. The sales would also create an instant appraisal for the increased county tax base, and local officials might just have a little more money to help with the maintenance of the remote county roads.
Joe and Sally Rancher would have the opportunity to bid on that section of the land back behind the house that fits right into their operation, and Mr. and Mrs. Urbanite could buy themselves a piece of the American dream. Neither one would have to worry about some mogul or corporation buying the whole West, and then selling it to some oil sheik or turning it into a buffalo pasture. Of course if they wanted to raise buffalo or drill an oil well ... that's their business. After all, this is America.
Environmental concerns would simply disappear. There are those who will argue that individual owners don't have the brains to take care of their own property, and that the country is better off with the bureaucrats running things. I think their record in Washington, and ours out West shows otherwise.
Speakin' of taking care of things, I think I'd better get on the phone to the insurance man and check on those brain insurance premiums ... before I have another idea.
Keep Smilin' ... and don't forget to check yer cinch.
Ken Overcast is a recording cowboy singer that ranches on Lodge Creek in north central Montana where he raises and dispenses B.S.
www.kenovercast.com
www.theprairiestar.com
Editor's note: This is an updated version of a popular Ken Overcast column that ran in 2004.
An Idea so good it requires a fella to have brain insurance
Do you remember the Hollywood starlet that insured her legs for a million dollars a few years ago? I guess that her skirt must have accidentally gotten up over her knees a time or two in the filming, and she figured she was really on to something. She felt a need to protect her assets.
You don't hear much about that kind of thing anymore. It's probably because of the premiums. With all of the hide they expose nowadays, the cost would probably be prohibitive.
I've been thinkin' about insuring my brain. It really ain't fair that one guy should be so smart and good lookin' too. All things considered, I figure the premiums ought to be fairly low.
I've been doing some thinking about the whole Federal Land mess we find ourselves in, and have come up with an act for Congress to consider. It could be called The Federal Lands Distribution and Debt Reduction Act of 2011. This plan is brilliant, if I must say so myself.
It's this kind of thinkin' that precipitates the need for brain insurance. The idea here is to get the BLM and US Forest Service Lands into the hands of individuals and onto the county tax rolls, while at the same time travelin' a little farther down the trail to fiscal responsibility. It probably wouldn't have a prayer of passage ... it just makes too much sense.
This proposal would put all Federal Lands, with the exception of National Parks and military and Indian reservations, up for bid. In order to be eligible to participate in the auction, the prospective bidders must be legal age individuals and US citizens. Everyone would have the same shot at a piece of the West. Corporations or partnerships wouldn't qualify as legitimate bidders.
The land would be auctioned, along with its attached mineral rights, in parcels of 320 acres on the courthouse steps of the counties in which they are located, and each individual would only qualify to purchase one parcel. It would be like the old homestead days all over again, except there wouldn't be any "provin' up" to get the free federal land. (I think the old timers will tell you that it dang shore wasn't free. They earned every dime of it.)
Let's face it, a lot of federal land really doesn't amount to very much, that's why it wasn't homesteaded 100 years ago. (Or if it was, the homesteaders went bust and Uncle Sam got it back.) If it just brought 10 bucks an acre, it would amount to over $4.5 billion. Some of it would bring a whole lot more. The money received would go directly into the Federal Treasury to help defray the national debt. The last time I looked, it stood at just under $14.5 trillion. (That's just about three times what the amount was in 2004 when I first had this brainy idea.) That amounts to over $46,000 per citizen. That figure is over twice what it was in 2004. The great thing is, this brilliant plan of mine just might pay the WHOLE thing off.
It would take a real bonehead not to see that everyone in the country would reap an obvious benefit. I purposely didn't write these numbers out ... it just takes too much ink. In the event that any parcel of land failed to receive a bid, the land would revert to the individual counties involved. Local control is always better.
The way I figure it, this would solve a whole lot of problems, and everyone stands to benefit. To say that the federal government hasn't been all that efficient in their management would be an understatement. The last figures I saw were from the mid 90s, and the net annual loss for the BLM and Forest Service at that time was over $350 million. Can you even imagine having free land and going in the hole? What in the dickens would they do if they had land payments to make like all the rest of us do?
I can't see any reason to let them dig that hole any deeper than it already is. The sales would also create an instant appraisal for the increased county tax base, and local officials might just have a little more money to help with the maintenance of the remote county roads.
Joe and Sally Rancher would have the opportunity to bid on that section of the land back behind the house that fits right into their operation, and Mr. and Mrs. Urbanite could buy themselves a piece of the American dream. Neither one would have to worry about some mogul or corporation buying the whole West, and then selling it to some oil sheik or turning it into a buffalo pasture. Of course if they wanted to raise buffalo or drill an oil well ... that's their business. After all, this is America.
Environmental concerns would simply disappear. There are those who will argue that individual owners don't have the brains to take care of their own property, and that the country is better off with the bureaucrats running things. I think their record in Washington, and ours out West shows otherwise.
Speakin' of taking care of things, I think I'd better get on the phone to the insurance man and check on those brain insurance premiums ... before I have another idea.
Keep Smilin' ... and don't forget to check yer cinch.
Ken Overcast is a recording cowboy singer that ranches on Lodge Creek in north central Montana where he raises and dispenses B.S.
