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late night Jokes you will never see Oldtimer post

Tam

Well-known member
"Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind." --Jay Leno

Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it's not true. In fact his exact words were 'I did not have textual relations with that woman.'" --Jay Leno

"The Democrats are now preparing for their convention in Denver, and they have hired the first ever director of greening. They say that this year that everything about their convention will be green, including nominating a candidate who's only been a senator for a couple of years." --Jay Leno

"After his big speech in North Carolina today, Senator Joe Biden said he was experiencing a sore throat and lost his voice. Boy, the good news doesn't stop for Barack Obama. Just one lucky break after another." --Jay Leno

"And, of course, it was a huge celebration over at Barack Obama headquarters, otherwise known as MSNBC." --Jay Leno
 

hopalong

Well-known member
Great one!!!
Guess oldtimer was watching judge judy or working on his Miss Cleo impression when these jokes were told!!
OR maybe they went over his hate fogged brain and he couldn't comprehend them, having buried his head in the sand for so long now!!
 
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Anonymous

Guest
Here you go Tammy- heres some that aren't months old....

“How about that guy that heaved his shoes at the president? Of course, everybody is saying well, what happened to the Secret Service? Good question. Where is the Secret Service? From now on, alright, take off your shoes. It’s going to be that way. You want to see the president? Alright, slip out of those shoes.” -David Letterman

“Have you watched this tape? Some people are criticizing the Secret Service, because the shoe thrower caught them off guard. The man was able to throw a second shoe. A spokesman for the Secret Service said, ‘Sorry, but we were laughing our asses off.’” -Conan O’Brien

“The Bush administration has a new slogan: ‘Duck!’” -Jay Leno

“As you know, President Bush took a surprise trip to Baghdad over the weekend and had a press conference with the Iraqi premier. A reporter threw his shoes at him, almost hit him. And the guy who threw the shoes, this guy was so angry, he was so anti-Bush, at first people just assumed he was an American journalist, but no.” -Jay Leno

“So the guy who threw the shoes is now a hero in Iraq. They say he’s shown the world that Iraqis have no masters, but I think what he really showed the world is that Iraqis have no aim, because he was like four feet away and couldn’t hit him.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“It turns out this guy was described as a hot head. He’s a guy who is an Iraqi journalist. They say he’s a hot head with poor journalistic skills. Well, no surprise, today he was offered his own show on Fox News.” -David Letterman

“In fact, to give you an idea how bad the economy is in Iraq, the shoes that were thrown at Bush came from Payless.” -Jay Leno

“I was impressed by how nimbly President Bush was able to dodge those shoes. I know he’s got a lot of dodging experience from his years during the Vietnam War, but this was pretty slick.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“But I’ve got to give President Bush credit for this, because he’s taking it all pretty well. He says that he’s actually happy about the shoe-throwing episode, because he says it proves finally that Iraq does, in fact, possess foot wear of mass destruction.” -David Letterman

“By the way, this is the country we thought had nuclear weapons. It turns out they have a pair of size 9 Hush Puppies instead.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Today, President Bush told reporters that the shoe-throwing incident was one of the weirdest moments of his presidency. Yeah, Bush said the only thing weirder was the time he got re-elected.” -Conan O’Brien

“And it’s not just President Bush, today somebody threw a pair of shoes at Sarah Palin. And she was very upset. She said, ‘Do you have these in black?’ and threw them back.” -Jay Leno
 
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Anonymous

Guest
From David Letterman. Pay special attention to #2. Man, the comedians are going to miss this guy.
You got to admit some of these are funny......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZAv0LI2V64
 

hypocritexposer

Well-known member
" I really love Ranchers, it gives us time to get together with our fellow rancher friends and visit, you should all go to Cattle today also and visit there. We all believe the same, and I don't take as much grief from everyone."

Translation: "I love you all, but I don't agree with one of you, for very long anyway. I'll always change my mind and, you will always be wrong. Thanks for visiting with a lonely old man in Montana."
 

Tam

Well-known member
I know Oldtimer won't get this but maybe a few of you others will see what I mean.

I was just reading on a web site that was put up so posters could post their favorite Obama jokes and guess what they were greeted with.

You know what you guys are just mad cuz a black man beat a white one… Grow a pair and stop bein racist!!!

All of you racist, ignorant f*c*s make me sick. --------- a bunch of childish, racist pieces of ****.

Just how many Bush jokes have been told by people of all ethnic backgrounds. Were they responded to in such a way? Tell a Bush or Clinton joke and it's knee slapping funny. Tell a Obama joke and you are seen as a racist piece of ****. Can we say a horrible double standard. Maybe this is why there are a lot less jokes about Obama, Oldtimer.
 

Ben H

Well-known member
This will cause the opposite effect that they desiere, people that have overcome racism or are on the fence with it will just turn around and say to hell with 'em. The racist card only creates more racism.
 
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Anonymous

Guest
More Shoes For Tam


“The guy is being called a hero in the Arab world. So, he has this plan and it’s a failure. And he’s a hero. You know, if that’s the standard, Bush would be the biggest hero in the Arab world.” -Jay Leno

“President Bush made a surprise visit to Detroit today. Honestly, people in Detroit are upset with him, but I understand auto workers threw brake shoes at him.” -Jay Leno
 
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Anonymous

Guest
hypocritexposer said:
Translation: "I love you all, but I don't agree with one of you, for very long anyway. I'll always change my mind and, you will always be wrong. Thanks for visiting with a lonely old man in Montana."

hypocrit- I was laughing so hard at this post last night that I couldn't even answer it...Even had to show it to Grandma (as I tell her about some of the real idiots these sites draw in from time to time :wink: ) and she got a good laugh out of you too...

Anyway if you only knew such lonliness I was suffering at the time-- 4 grandkids, 1 friend of grandkid, 4 dogs that it was too cold to kick outside- toys for all-- and Grandma and I almost didn't have room to walk anywhere in the house...

Yep- I'm a lonely old man in Montana :lol: :lol: :p If only everyone could know the lonliness I'm suffering :D
 

VanC

Well-known member
Oldtimer said:
hypocritexposer said:
Translation: "I love you all, but I don't agree with one of you, for very long anyway. I'll always change my mind and, you will always be wrong. Thanks for visiting with a lonely old man in Montana."

hypocrit- I was laughing so hard at this post last night that I couldn't even answer it...Even had to show it to Grandma (as I tell her about some of the real idiots these sites draw in from time to time :wink: ) and she got a good laugh out of you too...

Anyway if you only knew such lonliness I was suffering at the time-- 4 grandkids, 1 friend of grandkid, 4 dogs that it was too cold to kick outside- toys for all-- and Grandma and I almost didn't have room to walk anywhere in the house...

Yep- I'm a lonely old man in Montana :lol: :lol: :p If only everyone could know the lonliness I'm suffering :D

Well, we may disagree on a lot of things, but it seems we have some things in common. We only have 3 grandchildren, but one due in February, and we've got you beat on dogs (we have five). I seem to suffer from the same kind of loneliness you do. :wink:
 

Tam

Well-known member
Ben H said:
This will cause the opposite effect that they desiere, people that have overcome racism or are on the fence with it will just turn around and say to hell with 'em. The racist card only creates more racism.

You are exactly right the racist card will create more racism. I believe the racist card was used way to much in this election. It just so happened it was successfully used by those that wanted to win at all costs, the MSM backed Democrats. If any other candidate would have lied like Obama did they would have been slaughtered by the media and the punch line to every million dollar comedian's jokes but because of the color of Obama's skin and nobody wanting to be called a blankety blank racist, he got a pass on his associations with known terrorists, a hate filled pastor, a corrupt governor and a number of other shady deals he was connected too.

I don't care what color his skin is if McCain had to show his Birth Certificate to the Senate to prove he was qualified then Obama should have had to do the same. But he didn't even after lawsuits were filed by, not a sore loser Republican but by a high level DEMOCRAT. Why did he get away with it because everyone feared what would happen if he was disqualified to run and sit as President and that is what the "win at all cost " Democrats were counting on. :x
 
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